Planning, Plotting, and Pranking
by the-real-mo
Summary: Marauders' seventh year. Feeling stifled by the presence of Lily, Sirius and Remus plan a Day Of Pranks. Problem is, James and Peter, as well as Lily, all have their own ideas! Eventual SBRL slash. FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I am back in the addictive realm of _Harry Potter_ fanfiction, with a new multi-chapter story! It should entertain you, as it is both humor and (eventually) romance... the best things to write about, in my opinion. Anyway, this is set in the Marauders Era, in their seventh year...

**Warnings: **This story will, eventually, feature a SiriusRemus slash pairing... but, really, that won't be for a while. So, for this chapter, there are no warnings... just insanity and good-natured fun. The point of view will constantly change, but it'll be clear, as a bold heading will indicate who is telling the story. Oh, and I'll probably be getting some facts wrong. But that's just because I'm new to the books and the fandom...

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, save for my twisted imagination and this piece of toast I'm currently eating.

Enjoy.

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**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter One

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**  
**POV – Remus**

When James announced, shortly after the start of our seventh year at Hogwarts, that he and Lily were finally an item, the Gryffindor common room had quickly fallen into a state of silent shock. Then, just as if an atom bomb had exploded, everyone had erupted into laughs and whoops and hollers, exchanging high-fives and jumping on the couches and chairs and generally causing a deafening ruckus. Not that this long-anticipated news hadn't been unexpected; but, at the same time, we had all wondered if it _ever_ would happen. Throughout their first six years at the school, James and Lily had exchanged barbs on a daily basis – both being too stubborn to cater to the other – and James had never helped his cause whenever he had insisted on setting up pranks or making Severus' life a living hell or causing general chaos. On the other hand, Lily had never been that warm, either; she chastised James and the rest of us for each and every joke that was committed – even if we weren't the guilty party (which was rare), and was known to have sometimes violent (yet hilarious, if one was to watch from the sidelines) outbursts if we ever made her too angry (which was often).

That night, though, when Lily and James declared they were together, something in the back of my mind told me that this would either be very beneficial to the cause of the Marauders – or, very detrimental. I sincerely hoped it wasn't the latter of the two. All contemplative (and otherwise useful) thought was pushed away, however, when Sirius stumbled to the head of the room, a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand, saying something or other about a toast to, as he called them, "the newlyweds." He must have started drinking _before _Lily and James had made their announcement – then again, Sirius had the amazing talent of being able to appear drunk whenever he wanted.

It had been a good evening – our revelry carried on far into the early hours of the morning, long after all the first- and second-years had gone to bed. While Lily and James spent half of their time snogging on the couch (and the other half, it seemed, arguing about the Marauders' daily pranks and nightly excursions), it gave Peter and Sirius the opportunity to plan a new attack on their dearest Snivellus while I watched over them, pretending to be disinterested.

"With Evans finally on our side, we can get away with just about _anything_," Sirius had declared drunkenly, his alcohol-induced grin wider than ever. "This year, the Marauders will wreak havoc like they never have before!"

--

That was two months ago.

--

"No, James, I will _not _let you turn Severus' robes pink."

"What about his hair, then? Just his hair? It would be an impr—"

"No. As a prefect, James, I will not let you do that."

He still looked hopeful. "Then – what about green? It would fit his character _perfectly._"

"_James!_" Lily was irritated – yet I could tell she was also somewhat amused – and she quickened her pace, in a false attempt to rid herself of her boyfriend. James hurried after her, though, and Peter hurried after them, taking large bites out of a particularly large muffin.

Sirius and I hung back, as it was a Sunday morning and neither of us had anyplace important to go, and besides, Sirius looked like he wanted to discuss something – in private, away from James and Lily. "Yes, Padfoot?"

He slapped his forehead with mock-surprise. "How the bugger do you _do _that, Moony? Don't tell me werewolves have the ability to read _human minds_ – why, that'd be _disastrous_, with all the time I spend thinking about my nightly conquests –"

"Relax," I grumbled, a smirk playing at my lips. "Thankfully, I don't have access to the troves of smut that exist only in your head."

"Hey! I take _offense _to that!"

"I know. What was it that you were about to complain of, Padfoot?"

Instead of going on one of his often humorous, long-winded tirades, Sirius decided to spare my precious time and he dismissed the insult. "Why don't you guess, with those super-accurate, wolfish instincts of yours? Why haven't we been able to pull a good prank in over a week? Why have our Friday nights not been _nearly _as enjoyable as they used to? Why has Wormtail been getting fatter?" Sirius paused, to add drama to the whole situation. "Prongs' dream-girl, of course."

I allowed myself to chuckle. "I hardly think your last point has _any_thing to do with the matter, Padfo—"

"_Sure _it does! _Every_thing is Evans' fault! Including the fact that we ran out of Firewhiskey last night, damn her."

"You're certain that wasn't a mistake on _your _part?"

"Positive. Lily is ruining _everything_."

I smiled pleasantly. We were wandering to nowhere in particular – perhaps in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower – although we never took the conventional way _any_where. Sirius and I were still several meters behind Lily and James and Peter, and by the looks of it, not one of them had noticed our distance. _Maybe Sirius does have a point_…

Taking his turn to seemingly read my mind, Sirius made a sweeping gesture toward the three of them and grumbled, "Look. That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"They've distanced themselves from us somewhat, haven't they?"

Sirius barked with laughter. "No question necessary, Moony. They _have _distanced themselves from us. Though I do think that Prongs is getting the raw end of the deal, what, putting up with her and not being properly shagged yet –"

"Sirius!"

He rolled his pale-blue eyes. "Well, excuse _me _for talking frankly."

"You're excused. Now go sit in the corner."

"Helpful, Moony. _Real_ helpful." Sirius brushed a strand of hair away from his face and added with a theatrical element of gloominess, "She's even making my _hair _look bad."

"Padfoot, if there came a day when your hair looked bad, we'd surely know: it'd be the end of the world."

Sirius stopped in his tracks suddenly, his face becoming very pale. "Perhaps it is." He extended a shaking finger, pointing to where James and Lily were carrying on a conversation – albeit awkward and forced – with Severus Snape. Sirius ducked behind me, his hands gripping my shoulders. "Hide me, Moony, we're all gonna die."

I sighed. "Get off. It's not like either James _or _Snape want to be there."

"Snivellus!" Sirius hissed. "This is all _Evans' _fault! Next thing, she'll want to crown Snivellus the _fifth _Marauder, and make us accept him into our group and go through all that touchy-feely shit –"

"I wouldn't worry," I said, finally succeeding in shrugging Sirius off me. "James just turned Snape's hair blue and now he's storming off toward the dungeons."

Sirius sprung forward, looking quite delighted. "Oh, goody, and Lily appears to be real pissed off, too!"

"You find pleasure in the strangest of things, Padfoot."

"Sex is strange to you? Moony, I think we have some explaining to do –"

Sighing tiredly, I said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll be heading up to the dorms to do some _pleasure reading_."

"Now _that's _what I call _strange_!" Sirius' voice echoed behind me as I headed for the Gryffindor Tower.

_That obnoxious boy, _I thought wearily. _Although, he does have a valid point about Lily being a killjoy – then again, she always _has _been – though this time, she's got James on a shorter leash_… With these thoughts in mind, I grumbled the password to the Fat Lady and continued on up the stairs to the common room.

--

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius stomped into the room, looking exasperated and panicked. "Moony, we've gotta stop her! She's gone _too_ far!"

"What horrible and lecherous deed did she disallow you from committing this time, Padfoot?" I asked, without looking up from the book I was pretending to read.

"That painting with the mental knight!" he gasped, crashing down next to me on the couch. "I was _going _to put an itsy-bitsy spell on him so that whenever a girl from Slytherin walked by, he'd flash her – but _no-o-o-o_, of course Miss _Golden _wouldn't allow it!"

"That's a pretty lewd prank, Sirius."

"I think it's _brilliant_!"

I sighed tragically. "I thought you might."

"But, _honestly_, Remus."

"I'm always honest with you, Sirius."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Er, good." Sirius blinked, almost as if he forgot what he was about to say, then quickly recovered. "Honestly, though – you do agree she's gone too far, don't you?"

"Why, because she wouldn't let you make that stupid knight strip naked in front of the Slytherin girls?" I didn't give him time to answer, because I knew it would take five minutes of my life that I'd never get back, and went on to say, "Yes, I _do _think she's gone too far – in the recent absence of pranks, there are whispers going around that the Marauders have been _tamed _by Lily Evans."

"Bugger! You're not serious about that, are you?"

I smirked. "Do I ever lie?"

"Do you?"

"I believe we have already discussed this topic in the last… half-minute."

"Right you are. And because you're _always _right because you're _Remus J. Lupin_, we're gonna _do _something about James' _Golden Girl _right now."

"I fail to understand your logic, what little you possess," I said dryly.

"And _you _possess _far too much_," Sirius grumbled. "I'm gonna pull some pranks. Lots of them. And _you_, Moony, are gonna help me. We'll pull pranks like Hogwarts has never seen before – it'll be fantastic – awe-inspiring – amaz—"

"And this will help our cause _how_?" I drawled.

"_Because_," Sirius said, a mischievous glint appearing in his eyes, "it'll not only be an overload on Miss Prefect's system, it'll also confirm to the rest of the school that _yes_, the Marauders _do _still exist and continue to work their magic, both literally and figuratively speaking."

"You mean _two _of the Marauders."

The other boy frowned and stroked his hair thoughtfully. "You're right. Where the hell is Peter?"

"Following Prongs and Lily around the school, no doubt."

Sirius clucked his tongue in disapproval. "Stodgy fool. But I suppose that's better for _us_ – he won't get in the way like he always does."

"Right you are."

"As always."

"I believe that's me."

Sirius shot me a grin. "So you're in, then?"

"The 'Terrorize-Lily-Out-Of-Her-Senses' Plan?" I sighed, sounding more tired than I had intended. "If I say yes, I'll probably be the most hypocritical prefect in the history of Hogwarts."

"Exactly. You're in."

"I guess."

"It wasn't a question." Sirius got up abruptly and headed for the stairs, a broad smile on his face. "This revolutionary, earth-shaking plan requires privacy! Follow!"

"Where to, the dormitory?"

"No, you prat. The prefects' bathroom."

I rolled my eyes. "You have _got_ to be kidding me. I suppose you want to shampoo and condition your hair while we're in there?"

"That's the idea."

"Wonderful."

--

**POV – James**

I was too busy laughing my ass off to notice the death glare that was burning bright in Lily's green eyes. "Did you _see_ that? Stupid Malfoy'll have a _rainforest _growing out of his hair by the time he makes it back to his room!" It had been the perfect prank: an impromptu spell on Lucius Malfoy as he'd been passing by, taking the blonde-haired Slytherin completely by surprise. Ferns and daisies had started to sprout, and by the time he had noticed, it was too late. Chuckling to myself, I gave Lily a nudge. "Harmless little joke, no?"

"James, give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick your face in _right _this moment."

I was about to say something rather rude, but Peter piped up from behind us with, "Because he's hopelessly in love with you and if you left him in that state he'd be wandering blindly for the rest of his life?"

"Yeah!" I said, running a hand through the mess of hair on my head. "_Exactly_. Wormtail's got it right: I'm _nothing _without you Lily! I'm hopeless and – what else did you say, Peter?"

Lily cut in, irritated. "I _told_ you, James, if you want me to stay with you, you've got to lay off on the pranks!"

"I _have _been!" I whined pitifully. "Laying off the pranks is like – like laying off _Quidditch_. It's close to _impossible_!"

"Well, then, as you just said so yourself, it _isn't_ impossible."

I sighed miserably. We were still wandering around the school – I was following Lily's lead – and, from the looks of it, we were finally nearing our destination: the library. I groaned. "You've gotta be kidding me, Evans. I'm not about to go in there."

"And why not?"

"Because I'd much rather be setting Snivellus' hair on fire."

She rolled her eyes and huffed, "Is torturing that poor boy all you ever think about? Here I am, trying to stop you two from killing one another, and you're plotting your next attack! Seriously, James…"

"Seriously?" I shot a glance over my shoulder, but saw only Peter and a faraway crowd of Hufflepuff girls. "Speaking of which, where's Sirius? And Remus?"

"They stopped following us some time ago," Lily said, without moving her gaze from the entrance of the library. "At about the same time when you turned Severus' hair blue."

"What? And you didn't _tell _me this? I _thought _it was a bit quieter than usual when Lucius ran flailing his arms around after a daffodil popped up."

"You seem to have a fixation on hair-related pranks today, Prongs," said Peter.

"Maybe I should give everyone in the school an afro."

"_James_!"

"I dunno," said Peter, both of us ignoring Lily's outburst. "That might make Sirius a little upset."

"Alright, good for you for bringing us back on topic," I said. We were now in the library, still following Lily (I had no idea why – but she had that sort of spell on you at all times). "Where the bugger is Padfoot?"

"And Moony."

I scratched my chin and pulled out a chair at the table Lily had chosen. "Probably off plotting some amazing prank that _Evans _will never let me partake in."

"You couldn't be more right," she said, looking up from her book and giving me the evil eye. "They're most likely planning my demise at this very moment."

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**To be continued...**

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**A/N:** End of chapter one! Probably a little short, but the chapters that follow do gradually get longer. Sorry if Lily seems a little too... icy right now, but believe me -- she'll warm up pretty quickly. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed this first installment -- to make me happy, why not drop a review or comment, hm? It'd make my summer less boring! 

-mo


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you to my readers and reviewers. I'm spoiling all of you with a surprise quick update! This is Chapter Two.

**Warnings: **None to speak of. Just more humor, swearing, and Marauder-ness.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. So don't sue me.

Enjoy!

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**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Two**

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**POV – Remus**

"You ought to let me in here more often, Moony. This bubble bath is _sublime_." Sirius was relaxing in the spa-sized bathtub, thoroughly covered in light-pink soap bubbles. "And what's up with _you_? Is your time of the month arriving again? Scared of a few soap bubbles and a floral aroma?"

The stench of whatever Sirius had put in there was horrible – at least, it was to my heightened sense of smell. I crinkled my nose in disgust and muttered from my place on a nearby bench, "No, my _time of the month _isn't due for another week and a half, thank you very much. We've been in here for forty-five minutes – Sirius, how the hell is this going to help you with your grand scheme to unseat Lily from her place of power over the Marauders?"

"They say your best ideas arrive when you're in the bathroom."

I chuckled. "Maybe _yours_ do, what few you have every eon or two. Let's hear your enlightening ideas, O Majestic One."

Sirius rolled his eyes, scooped up a clump of pink bubbles in his hand, and blew them in my direction. The effect he had hoped to achieve didn't exactly succeed; the bubbles floated idly in the pastel light of the prefects' bathroom, lolling lazily for a moment before popping without a sound. "Bugger. There goes _that _idea. But, really, Moony – I've been thinking."

"I feel the earth trembling beneath me."

He ignored my comment and said, "What we want to do is work up the grandest, most spectacular showing of pranks that Hogwarts has ever seen and ever _will_ see. Not just some lame fireworks or dungbombs, Remus – the whole shebang. We want stuff to turn colors, hair to appear in places it shouldn't, and have _all _of the portraits strip, not just that stupid knight."

"You mean _you _want this," I said, though I couldn't hide the smile that was crossing my face. As much as I hated to admit it, the plan _did _sound rather appealing, if not, fun to execute. The aim of the whole operation, of course, would be to teach Lily a lesson – but in the end, it would entertain and appall _every_one in the school. I couldn't wait to view the sour (and secretly delighted) expression on Professor McGonagall's face when she saw the aftermath of the whole thing. "Okay, okay, Sirius – _I_ want this, too. Let's have some fun, shall we?"

Sirius grinned from amidst the bubbles. "Now you're talking, Moony!"

"I'm afraid so."

"I've given this a lot of thought – yes, surprising, I know." I was about to say something concerning the fact I was shocked and awed, but Sirius cut in quickly, "No! No interrupting me! I'm on a roll here and I've got to put everything out before I forget it all! Sure, there will be dungbombs and some rogue fireworks flying about the Slytherin common room –"

"The dungbombs will fly?" I asked, rather amusedly.

"_Yes_. While they deal with all that, though, far more amazing things will be taking place everywhere else. _All_ of the portraits will be stark-bugging-naked and –"

I shuddered and interjected, "Even the ones in Dumbledore's office?"

"_Especially _the ones in Dumbledore's office! Just imagine old Dumbledore's expression when he walks in and sees Salazar Slytherin's –"

"Ugh."

"Anyway," Sirius said, "yes. When I say all of the portraits, I do mean _all_. Even the Fat Lady, bless her."

"_Some_one certainly did." I scratched my chin and admitted, "This _is _a bloody brilliant plan, Padfoot."

"I know. I thought it up all by myself."

"Impressive, knowing you." A slippery bar of soap was flung my way, but I ducked in time, and it bounced harmlessly off the tile wall. "Ah, I apologize, Sirius. I know how touchy and emotional you are."

"_Me_? _Emotional_? Moony, are you calling me _girly_?" A look of mock-offense was plastered over Sirius' face, but a smirk that was creeping in betrayed his theatrical show.

I smiled calmly. "Pink soap bubbles, Padfoot?" I asked dryly. "A lilac aroma?"

"Five dork points to Remus Lupin for knowing what species of flower it is."

I sighed dramatically. "Oh, but I digress. Back to your Master Plan, Padfoot."

Sirius smirked darkly, and I knew he had let me off way too easily. I'd have to watch out – I was certain he'd get me back soon enough. "Besides the portraits, though, I've got some ideas. Moony, do you have to be so far away? Drag that damn bench closer so I don't have to shout."

"Don't you usually?" But I climbed to my feet, picked up the wooden bench, and set it down a few feet away from the edge of the set-in bathtub. "There," I said as I sat down once more. "Care to continue, Sirius?"

"I was thinking," he said, the infamous impish grin returning to his features, "that we ought to do some hair pranks. They're always the best."

"Sirius, your hair is already better than everyone else's in this school. There _is_ no comparison. Why prove the point any more?"

He laughed, and the sound echoed warmly through the roomy bathroom. "That has nothing to do with it. Hair pranks are just so damn funny! Think about it, Remus – if a unique color and style suited each house, what would it be?"

"Pink afros for Hufflepuff," I replied almost immediately, suddenly feeling quite mischievous myself. "Greasy green dreadlocks for Slytherin."

"Excellent, excellent!" Sirius snickered. "Go on – what about Ravenclaw?"

I felt a frown furrow my brow. "Ravenclaw? Hell, _I_ don't know. Blue. _Bright _blue. Mohawks!"

"Yes!" Sirius clapped his hands together, sending a gob of soap bubbles floating upward, and said, "Remus, you've single-handedly decided what hair pranks we'll use – at least, for _phase one _of the hair pranks."

"What about Gryffindor? And since _when _were there multiple phases of hair pranks?"

"Since _now_. Just changing the styles and colors won't do – crazy stuff has to happen, too." He paused, remembering my first question, and said, "No pranking the hair of Gryffindors. We want them on our side – for the most part, that is."

"What about Lily?"

A charmingly evil grin spread across Sirius' face. "Her hair is _already_ a funny color. But she, too, will have to suffer through phase two of the hair-pranking."

"Delightful." We carried on for several more minutes, discussing the exciting topic of what sorts of horrible things should sprout from our schoolmates' hair – Sirius seemed to think that horns were appropriate for various members of the Slytherin House. I offered that mushrooms should appear on the Hufflepuffs' heads. ("Mushrooms growing out of pink afros, Moony?" Sirius had asked. "_Brilliant!_") Once we had covered the details for making everyone's hair look awful, we moved on to the next stage of operations. "Trees? No. _No_ way."

"_Yes _way! Just think – if we made trees grow in the Dungeons – think of how _awesome _that would be!"

"That would not be awesome, Padfoot."

Sirius reached up unexpectedly and grabbed my ankle, catching me completely off-guard. With a tug, he dragged me off the bench and I splashed into the hot water, opposite of him, foamy bubbles flying everywhere. Sirius grinned. "Fancy seeing you here, Moony."

I smoothed a hand through my soaking hair and said evenly, "Damn you."

"That's a very nice thing to say."

"My clothes are now wet."

"Try not to get chafed," Sirius offered unhelpfully, still smiling. "Now, about those trees…"

"If anyone walks in on us right now, they'll be presented with quite the amazing and disturbing sight," I grumbled, but made no attempt to climb out of the tub. The last thing I wanted to do was sit there, sopping wet, while Sirius rambled on about _trees_. Sure, I could have dried myself off quickly with any spell, but that would only provoke Sirius into dragging me in _again_.

"Bring them on!" he declared with a laugh. "But back to those trees…"

--

**POV – James**

Unnecessary studying was boring. Hell, _any _studying was boring, but studying for no reason at all was both boring _and _pointless. Here we were, three seventh-years, huddled around a library table like a bunch of nervous first-years, dusty books of all sorts splayed open in front of us – it was early November, and there were _no _upcoming tests or quizzes to speak of (at least, none that _I _cared about). What a _fine _way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I sighed and muttered a few swear words and blew my bangs out of my eyes, re-reading the same passage concerning the Salem Witch Trials for the sixth straight time. _Bo-ring_. Beside me, Peter fidgeted; I glanced over and realized he had stuck a comic book into a larger tome entitled _The Dynamics of Casting Spells in Differing Temperatures_. I couldn't fully suppress a laugh – and it came out in a noisy snort that Lily, who was seated across from me, noticed.

"Something funny, James?"

I couldn't help myself. A second later, I was howling with laughter, drawing much unneeded attention to our table. "Oh, Wormtail, that's a _good_ one!" He was laughing, too, realizing just how stupid he had been to covertly read a comic within such a _horrible_-sounding textbook. "Padfoot and Moony'll _love _this!"

"Shut up, you two!" Lily hissed, setting down her equally-boring textbook. "Do you really want Madame Pince to give us the boot _again_?"

"I really wouldn't mind it, actually," I said, and Peter nodded in support.

"You guys are _so _unhelpful!"

"At least you don't have to deal with Sirius and Remus, too," Peter grumbled gloomily, carefully extracting his comic book from the pages of the horrid textbook.

"At least _Remus _would actually be _reading_!" Lily said, her green eyes flashing. "And, knowing him, he'd be on _my _side!"

This time, I didn't even try to hide my laugh. "Heh heh – I'm glad you think that, Lily." She glared daggers at me before obscuring her face once more with the dusty, ragged cover of a large book. I sighed and turned to Peter. "I wonder what they're up to right now. Wanna go check it out?"

"Yeah, their absence is making me somewhat paranoid."

I nodded. "The feeling's mutual, mate." I slid out of my chair and turned to Lily. "We're going off to see what sort of trouble Padfoot and Moony are brewing up."

Her head snapped up and she scowled. "James! How do I know you won't just go and put a hex on each and every Slytherin girl you see along the way?"

"If by 'girl' you mean 'Snivellus'…"

That was settled, then. Lily slammed the book shut, sending up a cloud of fine dust particles, and sprang from her seat. "I'll come. Besides, their absence is starting to make _me_ nervous, too."

--

I trudged up the stone steps of the Gryffindor Tower, followed closely by Peter and, at a distance, Lily. She probably expected some sort of prank – rightfully so – and remained wary the entire time. Opening the door to the common room, I glanced around. "No one here. Then they're probably upstairs."

"Or off planning something horrible in the Shrieking Shack," Peter muttered.

"_What_?"

"Nothing, Lily," I said quickly, in a poor attempt to cover up the destination of the Marauders' monthly excursions. I turned back to the staircase and took it up to the dormitories, where the five four-poster beds shared a circular room. No one was there, and I snorted in frustration. "Where _are _those prats?" Grumbling to myself, I turned around quickly, nearly knocking Peter to the floor, and hurried back down the steps. "C'mon, Lily," I shouted as I descended the spiral staircase. "You're the smart one, here. If you were Sirius Black, where would you go?"

Catching up with me, Lily chuckled, and said rather dryly, "The nearest whorehouse."

Our laughs echoed off the stone walls of the tower as we continued to climb down the stairs. "No, really, where would he be? I suppose that the Room of Requirement could become a cathouse if Padfoot so wished, but I don't exactly think he's in need of a good shagging –"

"James!"

"Sorry, Evans." I paused, mid-stair, causing both Lily and Peter to run into me. "Oh, of course! The prefects' bathroom."

Lily's eye twitched. "And _why _would they be in there?"

I smirked. "Why not? Sirius, we're assuming, is with Remus. Remus is a prefect. Prefects hang out in the prefects' bathroom. _Therefore_, Evans, it makes _complete _sense." She still looked skeptical. "Fine," I said, continuing my purposely slow descent of the stairs. "Choose not to believe me. I'm betting four galleons that they're in there."

"You're on," Lily grumbled, and this was a pleasant surprise – both because of the fact that Lily _never _gambled, and also because I knew Sirius and Remus better than anyone else.

We stopped outside the closed door to the bathroom, and I extended my hand, banging on it wildly. From within came Sirius' voice, though he'd purposely made it sound high-pitched and girly. "_Hello-o-o-o?" _

I shot Lily a triumphant grin. "Pay up, Evans." She just rolled her eyes and stayed silent, obviously upset at the fact she was actually _wrong_. I turned back to the door. "Coming in, Padfoot."

"_Oh, dear, I must cover myself!_" Still the horrible attempt at a girly voice.

Without waiting any longer, I pushed the door open – only to find Sirius and Remus relaxing in the tub beneath a mountain of pink soap bubbles, both of them laughing their arses off. "What the bugger is _wrong _with you two?"

Sirius chuckled drunkenly – though there were no empty Firewhiskey bottles to be seen – and said, "Care to come for a swim, Prongs?"

"Um, no, _especially_ not if you're both buck-naked under all those soap bubbles – which would be, by the way, very, _very _wrong."

"Worry not!" Sirius proclaimed in a knightly voice, "For Remus is fully clothed!"

I tried hard not to laugh, but couldn't help myself – the whole situation was just so damn stupid and hilarious at the same time. Turning to Remus – hoping to get more sense out of him – I asked, "What the hell are you guys doing?"

A smug grin appeared on his face. "Plotting," he said vaguely.

"Plotting?" I asked, confused.

Lily, looking both cross and perplexed, sniffed the air. "Who decided to use that awful _lilac_ scent?"

"Ha!" Remus barked, pointing to Sirius. "Even _Lily _abhors it and _she's _a _girl_! That makes you _girlier _than a girl, Padfoot!"

Sirius sighed dramatically, twisting a lock of his dark hair around a finger. "I guess all the feminine contact that I receive nightly wears off on me somewhat…"

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "_Plotting_, Remus? Is _that _all?"

He smiled cryptically and heaved himself out of the water, his shirt and pants and shoes absolutely _soaked _through. Never in his right mind would Remus go for a dip in his clothes – and I assumed that his present condition had to be Sirius' doing. "That's all, and all it ever will be."

"You sound drunk."

"That floral aroma is starting to get to my brain," he explained, retrieving his wand from the bench and muttering a quick spell that instantly dried his clothes. "Bugger, I still smell like the stuff, too."

Chuckling, I picked up a towel and tossed it toward the halfway-submerged form of Sirius. "Get the hell outta there, Padfoot. Lilacs and soap bubbles _so _aren't your thing."

"Sure you aren't turning into Lily?" Sirius asked, looking somewhat irritated.

"Why would I be?"

"Because you're being a bloody _killjoy_!" In the blink of an eye, Sirius had climbed out of the tub and had the towel wrapped around his waist. How he was able to pull that trick off, I had no idea.

"Me? A _killjoy_? Padfoot, I'm nothing like Lily…" Lily coughed, suddenly reminding us all of her presence, and I sighed. "Better let you get dressed, Sirius. Evans is preparing to punish me for making a garden grow out of Lucius Malfoy's hair."

"You did not!" Sirius gasped with glee.

"I did!" I shot a quick glance to Lily, and she looked like she was getting ready to decapitate me. "Shit! Better get going! Bye Padfoot! Bye Moony!" I rushed out of the prefects' bathroom, followed quickly by Peter, who, because of the lilac-scented soap, couldn't stop sneezing.

* * *

**To be continued...

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A/N: **Chapter Two, completed... Hope you enjoyed it. And, if you did, why not leave a review? It'd make me happy! Chapter Three, coming soon! 

-mo


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you to my readers and those who reviewed -- I'm glad you're liking this story. Just so y'all know, this is the last chapter that takes place on the First Sunday (this fic is meant to encompass a week, and the rest of the days pass by much quicker in text than this day has, I promise). And, yes, there will be romance in this story, I swear that to you. Tremors of a romance are coming up soon, actually, within a chapter or so. Or maybe in this one. I forget.

**Warnings: **Stupidity continues, and that's pretty much all. Oh, and lots of POV changes!

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own any of the books. How sad is that?

Enjoy...

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**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Three

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****  
POV – Remus**

"I don't really feel like embarking on a long trek to find them, do you?"

"Not at all." I looked away from the book I was holding over my face, and glanced to the window. Outside, the sky was gray and the clouds were spitting an unpleasant rain. The grass was brown and damp, and the tree branches, black with the precipitation, were bare and devoid of any life. "It's absolutely ghastly outside."

Sirius, laying on the unmade mattress of his bed, rolled over onto his stomach, his feet all over his pillow. "Mmm. Wonderful. Somehow, I have the feeling that Lily's dragging James around out there."

"So do I." Turning over onto my side to face Sirius, I grumbled, "Are we keeping your Grand Master Plan secret from James and Peter, too? Because that's certainly what it seemed like, earlier today."

"We might as well. If Prongs got any wind of what was going on, Lily'd probably notice and somehow pry it outta him." Sirius yawned. He'd been talking nonstop all afternoon about the plan we were scheming, and he was _finally _starting to look fatigued. "I'm bored. Feel like pulling a small prank?"

I chuckled. "A small prank? And just who might the unfortunate recipient be?"

The other boy shot me a sinister grin. "Maybe I feel like pranking _you_, Moony."

"Now that I know of it ahead of time, it wouldn't really be a prank, now would it, Padfoot?"

"Maybe, maybe not…"

"Don't you have some underage girl to shag?"

Sirius sat up on his bed, giving me an incredulous look. "Are you trying to _get rid _of me, Moony? _Me? _Oh, I'm _heartbroken_! Shattered! I'll cry myself to death, for Remus Lupin has _forsaken _me!"

I rolled my eyes and decided, for once, to play along with Sirius' outrageous, over-dramatized antics. "Come to my arms, O neglected one! I apologize for letting the smallest of harm attack your oversized ego!"

A roguish grin spread across his face. "Alas, I fear that the damage is too severe – I am dying, Moony. Your admonishment hath pierced my heart!"

"You're weird."

Sirius broke out of his Shakespearean reverie and smirked. "I know."

"_Really_ weird."

"Uh-huh."

"Isn't there some lonely Hufflepuff girl out there who's pining for your presence?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not _this _again. Actually – I'm glad you brought this up, Moony, because it gives me another opportunity to complain about Evans."

"I didn't know you needed a specific excuse to do so."

Sirius stood, abruptly, and crashed down on the end of my bed. "She's ruining _every_thing, Remus, can't you see that?"

"I see a lot of things."

"And do you not see the fact that she's _completely _ruining my social life?"

I tried not to grin. "And by 'social life', you do mean 'sex life', if I am not mistaken?"

"I do," Sirius admitted. "Not that she has _me _on a short leash or anything, but some way – somehow – she's messing _every_thing up. Maybe it's just her presence… Or maybe it's telepathic thought waves. Or maybe she just has that _effect _on everyone."

"Or _maybe_," I grumbled, "the girls don't fancy one-night stands much, anymore."

"_That'll_ be the day," Sirius said from his position on the end of my bed. "Help me, Moony – you're the all-knowing, all-seeing sage – help me wrong my rights and err my mends –"

"Seems like you've got it all backwards," I said with a laugh, though it hardly needed pointing out. I looked up from my book and muttered, "Sirius, in all honesty, I _highly doubt _this most recent accusation of the ill effects of Lily Evans. I am _sure _there is some other explanation concerning the lack of tail you've been receiving in the past several weeks. Prongs' Golden Girl has nothing to do with it."

"I'm still skeptical. Seeing her and James together is like seeing an old, married couple and their daily quarrels. It's scaring me."

I raised my eyebrows in understanding. "Ah. So you're scared of establishing a _relationship_."

"Who said I was _scared?_"

"I believe you _just _did, Sirius." I sighed, and turned a page. "I understand it perfectly, now. James has landed himself in a rather tight spot – he loves Lily dearly, but she abhors his more… obnoxious habits."

"Like pranking. Like the _Marauders_."

I nodded. "Exactly. In their case, opposites _do _seem to attract, though I can hardly see the benefit for either of them…"

"It's official, then," Sirius grumbled gloomily. "Prongs is pussy-whipped."

I smirked. "Yes, to put it eloquently."

"What does that have to do with _me_?" Sirius pressed. "Remus, I haven't shagged a girl in _four weeks_."

"So _that's_ why you've been so weird. Well, that clears up a few things."

Sirius groaned. "Have you no pity?"

"None, whatsoever." I glanced up from my book and gave him the most charming smile I could muster. "You're scared of long-term relationships, Sirius. Welcome to the real world, where life isn't one nightly fling after another."

"I think I am going to sleep now, and hopefully my dreams will be somewhat more enjoyable than these last few months have been," Sirius mumbled. "On the other hand, dreaming of dying wouldn't be so bad, either."

Ah, Sirius, the master of melodrama.

--

**POV – Sirius**

Of course, I _knew _that the frightening idea of establishing a long-term relationship wasn't the _only _thing that was destroying my _social life_. I rolled off the end of Remus' bed – hitting the hard floor nicely – and with a groan, crawled across the room and climbed onto my bed, the unmade sheets greatly hindering my progress. No, there was _something else_ – I wasn't exactly sure of what – but there was _something else_. _Or someone else, _I thought bitterly. As much as I loved to talk about anything and everything, I had a hard time _admitting_ some things to _myself_. _Like the time in our first year when I realized Wormtail was better at Herbology than I was – now _that _was a crushing defeat. _But this was different, and it was something I couldn't exactly put my finger on. I loved to pin the blame – _any _kind of blame – on Lily whenever I got the chance, and this was no exception. But I knew that someone else – something else – was responsible for my current situation.

"Sirius, I do believe you've been quiet for an amazing three minutes while still awake," Remus proclaimed from his bed. "This just might be a new world record."

"Hold that thought, and I'll try for _another _record, right now," I grumbled. _Remus, distracting me from my thoughts. Remus, treating everything I say and do as I joke – even though he might have a point. Remus, with that goddamned book. Remus_…

_Remus._

I groaned with realization and epiphany. _I'm obsessed with that bugger_. Shooting a sidelong glance to Remus without trying to make it obvious, it soon became clear that he was staring right back at me, looking rather perplexed and amused.

"Something wrong, Sirius?"

I sighed and attempted to smile. "Nope. Nothing at all. All systems go."

"I don't think I've ever seen you looking this thoughtful," he said, turning a page of the book he obviously was not reading. "Something bothering you?"

I shook my head. "No – but I think I might just work out some of the kinks in our Grand Master Plan, Moony." _Whatever. _I groped under the dusty, unexplored bowels of my bed until I found a scrap of parchment and an old quill. "You have an ink well over there?" Remus _always _had a writing utensil and the necessary accessories nearby, and he promptly threw a small, glass vial my way. "Thanks. I suppose I should write some of the minor details down, don't you think?"

"Not if you don't want James or Peter to find it."

I smirked. "Ah! But you know me – I'll put a safeguard on this darling piece of parchment so that no foreign eyes may view what offensive words might follow…" Chuckling to myself, I dipped the quill in the ink and began to jot down some of the plan's more intricate points. _With Remus' help, this day of pranks will be the most storied thing ever to happen in the wizarding world_…_ So storied that they'll be obliged to include it in the next edition of _Hogwarts: A History…_ Ah, the thought of fame_…

"You're giggling uncontrollably over there, Sirius, and it's kind of scaring me," Remus grumbled from under his book. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes!" I declared with a grin, feeling much better than I had only a few minutes before. "I'm feeling a-okay! I can't _wait_ to see Filch's face when he realizes there are _trees _growing in his beloved hallways!"

"I still can't believe you want to go ahead with that stupid tree idea," Remus said. "Just think – you could construct a wall of fire or water or whatever else, instead."

"Or in _addition_ to! Great idea, Moony." I heard the other boy grumble a few nondescript curse words, and I continued my work with the parchment. It was a well-known fact that my handwriting was illegible and my grammar atrocious – and that, alone, should have prevented anyone from reading the notes I'd written. But, just to make Remus happy, I put a spell on the notes I'd inscribed, making the text visible only to whoever said the password – much like our infamous Marauders Map. I touched the tip of my wand to the center of the parchment, and murmured, barely audible, "_I have a weird, indescribable obsession with Moony._" At that, the ink disappeared, and a blank scrap of parchment was staring back at me.

"I'm a buggering werewolf, you know," Remus drawled.

"Huh?" I said, wheeling around and looking for all the world like a little boy caught in the act of some sort of lewd behavior.

"I can hear anything and _everything_," he grumbled. "Including _that_."

I forced a laugh. "Oh, well, yes – of course you can. That's the idea." _I am such a bleeding idiot_. "Just a ridiculous password, that's all."

"Uh-huh." Remus was unconvinced, but he dropped the matter, and turned back to his book.

_Stupid. _Sighing, I tucked the seemingly blank piece of parchment under my mattress, and turned back to Remus. "This time, I really _am _going to sleep." And with that said, I curled up on my bed, suddenly a large, black dog.

--

**POV – James**

"What rotten weather. And of course _Lily _thought it'd be enjoyable to take a little stroll outside the castle."

"I think she adores everything you hate, Prongs."

I nodded in agreement. "And vice-versa. I'm beginning to think so, too."

Peter chuckled, sinking into the most comfortable sofa in the Gryffindor common room, the one that Sirius and Remus usually shared. "And yet you_ adore_ her. The irony of the entire situation is amazing." He unwrapped a chocolate frog and bit one of its legs off. "Where're Padfoot and Moony?"

I threw my hands up in frustration. "I don't know! This is stupid. It's the second time they've disappeared today!"

"Or maybe _we're _disappearing from _them_," Peter said, sounding thoughtful. "Did you go see if they were upstairs?"

"Why should _I _go look for them?" I asked, feeling rather grumpy all of a sudden. "The bloody fools can come down here themselves. With all that walking Lily made us do on that little traipse of hers, I feel like my legs are gonna fall off."

"Same here. She's probably the reason why they're avoiding us, you know."

"Them? _Avoiding_?" I thought about it for a moment, and leaned over to nab a chocolate frog from Peter. _He might be right, for a change_. "So you think _Lily's _presence is scaring them away?"

"She's pretty good at it, if you haven't noticed."

"I guess so." I slowly bit into the candy, still thinking. I loved Lily dearly – even though it clearly defied all logic – but Peter was correct: she _was _breaking up the Marauders. I smirked at last and said sneakily, "I think we have some pranks to play that are long overdue."

"On _who_? Sirius and Remus?"

I shook my head. "No – they're on our side. At least, they should still be. Even if they are, as Moony so clearly put it, _plotting_."

"So who…?"

"On Lily, perhaps," I said with a shrug. "Although, that'd pretty much ruin my chances of ever being able to see her again…" I trailed off, staring at the card that came with the chocolate frog. It portrayed Hogwarts' headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, and the picture of him was smiling and waving. It gave me an idea. "On the entire school. I hear all kinds of whispers, these days – people saying that a _schism _has risen between the Marauders, that we don't _do _pranks any more."

"That's horrible!" Peter said, his mouth full of chocolate.

"Indeed." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, mussing it up the way Lily hated so much. "We'll do it to prove to the school that _bloody _yeah, we still exist!"

"Sirius and Remus?"

"They'll be taken by surprise. They probably think we've both been bewitched by Lily's spell." I smirked and clapped my hands together. "Great! Now we've got something to look forward to. It'll happen in exactly a _week_, on Sunday."

"The Prank of Pranks?" Peter asked with a grin.

"The _Mother _of All Pranks!" I declared.

--

**POV – Remus**

I yawned tiredly, realizing I'd fallen asleep, and glanced out the window – the sky was already quite dark, though that was what rainy November afternoons were like. Sirius had been in a peculiar mood earlier, and thinking about it had only worn me out. I sighed, shoved my book aside, and glanced over to Sirius' bed. The monstrous dog still snoozed on the crumpled sheets, breathing loudly, his tongue hanging out. Rolling my eyes, I slid off my mattress and tiptoed over to Sirius, and feeling relatively mischievous, tickled his nose with the quill that lay nearby. The dog's nostrils twitched and flared, and suddenly, he let out an enormous sneeze that nearly threw me off my feet. "Wakey-wakey, Padfoot."

Sirius glared at me with his pale-blue eyes and snorted, then licked his forepaw. For a moment, he looked like he'd go back to sleep, but, for the second time that afternoon, Sirius took me by surprise and leapt off his bed, landing on me with all of his weight, pinning me to the floor.

I struggled beneath him. "Mmph. Great, Sirius – just _great_." The dog panted, smiling broadly, his large, pink tongue dripping saliva all over my shirt. Grumbling to myself, I scratched his head in a false show of affection. "Now get the bugger off of me, you prat." Sirius barked loudly, and a second later, he assumed his human form – still sitting on me.

"Hi, Remus!"

I snorted and pushed him off of me. "Was that _really_ necessary?" I asked, bringing myself to my feet.

Sirius pouted. "You didn't have to wake me up! As they always say, Moony, let sleeping dogs lie…"

"In all of my experiences with _canines_," I said, flashing the other boy a grin, "they'd rather _eat _than sleep. It's dinner time."

"Already?" Sirius was brushing the dust and occasional dog hair off of himself.

"Already." I headed for the door, and added, "You know, James and Peter have made themselves rather scarce today, don't you think?"

Sirius followed me out the door and down the twisting stairs. "Well, even if they avoid us at dinner, they won't be able to tomorrow – as the Marauders _always _have _all _their classes together! Besides, Snivellus is in most of them, too, and you can't let such a great opportunity like _that _pass us by."

"Oh, no, _never_."

--

Fortunately for us – and unfortunately for everyone else – the Marauders were back in their element at the Great Hall, just in time for dinner. James had gleefully explained that Lily had stayed behind in the library, researching something she had called "super-important." This news seemed to bother Peter, but he was always the paranoid one, and it didn't worry Sirius one bit. Sirius, in fact, was as loud and rambunctious as ever.

"This evening," he declared, standing at our end of the Gryffindor table, with a glass of something that looked suspiciously like (smuggled) Firewhiskey in his hand, "I propose to make yet _another _toast. Let this following week be a week of amazing entertainment, of school-wide hijinks, and of general jollity and gaiety among us _all_!"

"Here, here!" James roared in agreement. Peter clapped. I tried to hide my smile by shoving food in my mouth.

"And, in that tradition, we'll start off this week with a wee bit of a _bang_," Sirius murmured, withdrawing a firework from within his robes. He lit it with the end of his wand, and sent it off in the direction of the Slytherin table. I sighed, and hid my face in my hands – I had no desire to be the one to receive a stiff detention sentence from Professor McGonagall. While the rest of the Marauders and everyone else in the Great Hall looked on, a volley of flares and sparks – accompanied by the occasional _pop _and _boom _– erupted from where Severus and Lucius were eating. Sirius guffawed, and as the light show continued, turned back around to finish his salad. "Just _imagine_, Moony," he whispered, "on Sunday, our _Grand Master Plan _will be a _billion _times more spectacular than _that_!"

"It will be downright _legendary_," I agreed.

"Awe-inspiring."

"It'll get its own _chapter _in _The History of Magic_."

"Its own chapter! Luckily for _you_, Remus, it'll get its own buggering _book_!"

--

**POV – Lily**

In the course of _less _than one day, I'd been labeled as a killjoy, a fuddy-duddy, an icy bitch, and, by the likes of a certain Severus Snape, a filthy Mudblood. Not that the last insult was exactly _surprising_, seeing as he called me by that name _daily_ – but on this particular day, I couldn't walk down a hallway without receiving dubious stares and glares from students I'd never even talked to, let alone _seen _before. Soon after, I heard the rumors that were circulating through Hogwarts: that Lily Evans, the Gryffindor Ice Queen, had succeeded in reigning in the Marauders and draining the joy out of every last one of them; that Lily Evans, the Perfect Prefect, had forever taken away Hogwarts' most famous and steady form of entertainment. As much as I hated (most) of James' and Sirius' stupid pranks, I couldn't _stand _having all of the rage and ire of the school directed solely at _me_.

I wasn't _trying _to bring all of the Marauders' obnoxious behavior to a halt – because without his daily dosage of pranks, James would most certainly become depressed and wither away – but the chaos that they caused, the unrelenting havoc and anarchy…

_But still_, a small voice told me, _you know, deep inside, that you love James' pranks. That's what _makes _him James. And you love the rest of the Marauders and all the entertainment they bring to Hogwarts. Admit it._

Maybe…

_Even _you _like to see Severus Snape embarrassed every now and then, Lily! _I sighed, sitting alone at a solitary table in the almost-deserted library, staring blankly at the pages of a boring-looking book. Dinner was being served in the Great Hall, and there was no doubt that, in my absence, James and Sirius were causing _some _sort of disruption. I was hungry, but I really didn't want to ruin their fun – not after how much I'd been dogged by various Hogwarts students in _one _afternoon – so I stayed at the table, the soft light from the nearby candles illuminating the dusty pages in front of me.

_What I need to do is to prove I'm _not _an icy killjoy_, I thought. _But me, Lily Evans, a prefect, play a prank? _Me! _That just wouldn't be right, would it?_

Would it?

_Well, if no one found out it was _my_ doing, then there'd be no problem, now would there?_

No problem at all.

For the first time that afternoon, a genuine smirk crept across my face, and in the polished shine of the table, I was both frightened and delighted to find that I looked strangely _mischievous.

* * *

_**To be continued...

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A/N:** And now some of the confict and (finally!) a plot have surfaced... Some drama (sigh) is to be had in the next couple of chapters, but what good is a story without a tiny bit of drama? Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing... Next update will be in a few days.

-mo


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I have returned with a final update before the weekend... Tomorrow, I'm heading up to Traverse City, MI, to explore the area and photograph stuff. That's a whole different story, though, 'cause you're here to read _this_! Thanks to my, like, three wonderful reviewers for the third chapter... I don't know about you, but I hate it when I have more alerts than reviews on a story... just something that bugs me from time to time. I've been guilty of the same thing, of course, but I try not to do that anymore.

**Warnings: **Confused Sirius, not many POV changes, and that's really all. Oh, and heaven forbid, a little bit of drama. As of this chapter onward, the pace of the story picks up, I promise!

**Disclaimer:** _Still_ don't own anything. I might be getting my own copy of the books sometime soon, though...

Enjoy!

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**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Four**

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**POV – Sirius**

In the darkened gloom of an early November morning, I watched Remus poke his fork at a plate stacked high with scrambled eggs. "I am buggering _tired_," he declared in an incoherent mumble. "Bloody, buggering, _fucking _tired." Remus wasn't the type to swear – at least, not _that _much, so I watched with a fatigued interest. "And I _hate _Mondays."

I gave him a hearty slap on the back – something I knew he didn't appreciate too much, and said, as joyfully as possible, "Well, _I _do, too, but you don't see _me _complaining about it!"

"Shove it, I've got a buggering headache," he grumbled, and took a sip of what I hoped – for his sake – was caffeinated tea.

I didn't take the hint. "It's not your time of the month, is it?"

Remus flashed me a death glare – something that I hadn't known he was capable of. "I believe we've already been over this, _ad nauseum_."

"Moony, it's too early for Latin." He didn't respond, and instead shoved a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth. I sighed and decided to pour myself some tea – with Remus in his present state, it would be of no use to try and carry on a conversation with him. I glanced about our table: James was half-asleep, sitting in his seat like a stone while Lily rambled on and on about why it was cruel to make fun of people (I assumed she was referring to Snivellus); Peter was snoring, his head nodding dangerously close to a piece of toast lathered with strawberry jam. I brought my eyes back to Remus, who was glaring amber daggers at me – and it took me completely by surprise. "What?"

"I have a hangover."

"Wha – since when do you get _that _drunk, Moony?"

"I don't," he grumbled. "Someone spiked my tea with Firewhiskey last night and I _think _I know who it was."

I held my hands up, attempting to show my innocence. "Hey, whoa, if you're blaming _me_, Remus, you are _so _wrong." Although, really, he wasn't, and I knew that. The night before, there had been much revelry in the Gryffindor common room, what, with Lily's extended, supposedly library-related absence. The Marauders had been back to their true form, and we had celebrated our brief taste of freedom with Firewhiskey and Butterbeer and other rather illicit drinks. Remus never drank enough of anything to get truly shitfaced – although I'd seen him tipsy plenty of times and it was an amusing sight. He had already looked rather woozy when I dumped a fair amount of Firewhiskey in a pot of tea he'd been brewing, and the rest was history – Remus had gotten drunk off his arse and had started to do a striptease by the time Lily had appeared in the doorway, horror showing on her face. Angrily, she had intervened and kindly showed the half-undressed Remus to his room. Which was unfortunate for the rest of us, because it'd been funny as hell.

And hot.

Which, to me, felt really weird to think.

In fact –

"Sirius."

Remus' voice slashed through my thoughts and I jerked my head up, almost snapping my neck. "Huh?"

"It was you, wasn't it?"

I chewed on my lower lip, trying not to smile and cringe at the same time – the last thing I needed, really, was Remus' lack of trust. "I didn't mean to put _that _much in," I admitted, and that _was _the truth. "The bottle, uh, kind of slipped."

He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "What the fuck did I do, Sirius?"

"Nothing," I lied. "I mean… okay, you did kinda do some stupid shit, but we were _all _doing stupid shit – hell, even _Frank _got tipsy." I sighed, feeling horrible all of a sudden, but I wasn't about to elaborate on the previous night's activities. "You have my most _sincere_ apologies, Moony. I mean it. Truce?"

Remus grumbled something and took a long gulp from his cup of tea. "I guess I don't even _want _to know." He paused, flashed me a look that I couldn't quite discern, and said, "Truce, Padfoot."

That brightened my outlook for the rest of the day, and happily, I helped myself to a plateful of hash browns.

--

Potions gave the Marauders another opportunity to defy both Lily and Professor Slughorn, and, even better, the chance to annoy the hell out of Snape. I wasn't exactly sure of what we were supposed to be brewing – and, for once, it looked like Remus didn't know (or care), either. The dull pain of his hangover was finally starting to wear off (he had refused to see Madame Pomfrey for a cure), but I wouldn't have known, because he was more quiet and reserved than ever. "Do _you_ know what we're supposed to be doing, Moony?"

"No idea," he said. Still curious about Remus' general silence, I craned my neck over the empty cauldron to see what he was up to. His gaze met mine. "Something bothering you, Sirius?"

"Just… looking," I said lamely, and gestured to the parchment that lay in front of him, its corners covered in doodles. "I've never seen you this quiet before, I guess."

Remus smiled, somewhat. "I guess I've just been thinking… _a lot_. Kind of like what _you _were doing yesterday. Going over the Plan a little, trying to remember what the hell happened last night, wondering why you've been acting a little… _strange_ in the past few days." He shrugged. "That's all. I'm not mad at you or anything, if that's what you think."

I heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, good – I thought you were about to bite my head off, or something." I was going to elaborate – about me acting, as Remus had put it, 'strange' – but a sudden sputtering, vomiting sound came from behind us, and we both wheeled around just in time to see a repulsive, orangey liquid ooze from the cauldron that Peter and James were sharing. It emitted the unpleasant aroma of sweaty socks, causing the class to laugh, Snivellus to scowl, and me to whisper "Disgusting," to Remus.

"Revolting," he agreed.

While James dashed around the room, flailing his arms frantically to try and draw Slughorn's attention (and failing spectacularly), Peter stared at the barf-colored semi-solid that was beginning to burn through the desk. "Should I be worried?"

Chuckling, I turned back around in my seat and stared at the ingredients listed in chalk on the blackboard. "This is stupid. Why on my life would I give a flying fuck about a potion that's supposed to give you a 'brilliant singing voice'?" I leaned closer to Remus and murmured, "If you ask me, it's about time for old Sluggy to retire."

"I suppose so," he said, "but I think we ought to get started on the potion, before Snape tries it on himself."

The thought of Snivellus serenading the class in falsetto made me shudder, and I started to slice and dice the cricket legs right away. The idea seemed to deeply disturb Remus, as well, for he was fervently filing away at a bicorn, its pulverized dust floating into the cauldron. While we worked in silence – periodically entertained by Peter's whimpers as the oozing stuff crept closer to him – it gave me time to _think_, and I had no doubt that Remus was doing the same. _Acting a little strange_, I mused, feeling a frown cross my face. _Damn right I'm acting a little strange. I don't even know what the bugger's _wrong _with me. To even _think _that the thoughts of 'Remus' and 'hot' crossed my mind in the same sentence! Talk about obsessive_…

The time wore on, Remus and I both thought in silence, and we didn't finish our potion – luckily, nor did anyone else. The entire class seemed preoccupied with one thing or another – even Snivellus, who always managed to complete the assignments on time, looked distracted. The hour ended, and Remus and I were first to bolt out of the classroom. "There were a lot of whisperings going on in there," he said, looking maddeningly calm.

"Yeah?" I asked. "What did your super wolf-hearing pick up _this _time?"

"Rumors of a plot," Remus said thickly. "Of the Mother of All Pranks."

I hissed a series of swear words, then grumbled, "I know _you _haven't been leaking the details of our Plan, right?"

"I'd never do that."

"And neither would I!" I proclaimed, crossing my arms over my chest. "_Even_ under the influence of alcohol. I wonder if someone else is brewing up something… unpleasant."

"James, maybe?"

"Nah, Evans wouldn't let him do such a horrid thing." We climbed the stairs up from the dungeons, heading for the greenhouses. "Snivellus, maybe?"

"Snape, plotting a _prank_?" Remus looked skeptical. "Then again, _stranger_ things have been known to happen…" I could _swear _he'd given me a look after saying this, but I chose to ignore it.

--

Herbology passed by uneventfully, except for the brief interlude of entertainment when James flung a lump of mud at Lucius Malfoy (who had uncharacteristically retaliated and thrown a clump of dirt back, hitting a livid Lily Evans in the face), which caused them both to receive a detention that night.

--

At lunch, sitting across the table from Remus, I was more pensive than ever. I was still trying to rationalize my thoughts – I was drunk at the time, I reminded myself; _any_thing would have been hot. This explanation only satisfied me for a fleeting moment, and soon, I was scratching my chin in thought, once again trying to find an answer.

_I like girls_, I told myself rather lamely.

You haven't slept with one in over a month.

_Shut the bugger up._

"You're talking to yourself again," Remus observed lightly, biting into a piece of toast.

I glanced up at him. "Oh. I'll – I'll try not to." Stupid reply, but I was buried far too deeply in my thoughts to care. You haven't even _flirted_ with a girl for several weeks, a voice inside scolded. _Haven't had time_, which was a horrible and completely untrue justification. _Haven't had time, and besides, I'm just not that interest –_

Ah.

_Shit, that's not how it was supposed sound._

Still, this second Freudian Slip made the first seem legit, and I was suddenly more confused than ever. I wanted to say something, so that I wouldn't be stuck with these thoughts – but, for the first time in my life, I could think of nothing to say. _Please, Moony, say something, rescue me! _But Remus said nothing, either; he was staring at me awkwardly, and I was staring right back, and there was this gaping span of silence between us. Thoughts raged loudly inside my head: You're a poofter, Sirius.

_No, I'm not! _

You're obsessed with him.

_Bullocks to that!_

You _l-o-o-o-o-ve_ him!

_As a fucking friend!_

Enter the third Freudian Slip of the day. I sighed miserably and flicked my gaze away from Remus. And, all of a sudden, I noticed the effect he had on me: my heart was pounding rapidly inside my ribcage; I could feel the heat of a blush spread across my face; I couldn't think of _anything _to say.

Thankfully, at that moment, Remus intervened. "You look like you're turning green, Sirius."

This quiet observation was enough to haul me out of my thoughts, and I flashed him an appreciative, albeit queasy smile. "Thanks, Moony – er, must be the porridge or something."

"Something?" Remus asked amusedly. "I'll give you _something_. Something's _wrong _with _you_."

I coughed. The werewolf was ever-perceptive, even though a _blind _person could have seen my most recent spasm of thoughts. I tried to smile and said, "I do not deny it, my friend. Something _is _wrong with me, and I have begun the quest to hunt down and destroy whatever it might –"

"Sirius."

"Yeah?"

"Snape is standing behind you, holding a bowl of hot porridge precariously over your head."

--

**POV – Remus**

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Sirius' shrill cries of _My hair! My hair! _that resonated through the Great Hall that afternoon.

Severus wasn't exactly well-known for starting things like that, and especially not in such a crude, magic-free manner. Sirius, though, was proficient at _ending _things, and he _ended _this particular incident with a well-placed punch to Severus' face – another method non-magical. Both boys escaped without a detention – a feat glorious and improbable in itself.

"Did you _see _what that wanker did to my _hair_?" Sirius hissed on our way to History of Magic. "Luckily, a little _scourgify _was enough to clean it up, but _still –"_

"Relax, Sirius," I grumbled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He got what he deserved."

"A one-way ticket to Madame Pomfrey, _I'll _say! Bugger." He shot me dry look and said, "Wonderful how he won't even go _near_ you, these days. You're lucky."

"Of course, that's all thanks to you and your stupid _Shrieking Shack_ prank." I tossed a half-hearted glare Sirius' way. "Which was _not _funny by _any _means and if I hadn't had the threat of being _put down_, I probably would have killed you for it."

"At least some good came out of it," Sirius pressed. "Snivellus is scared of you and _that's _good enough for me."

I chuckled. "And the direct result of this is the fact he'll be sending _twice _as much hatred _your _way."

"I know," the other boy said with a tone of dramatic bravado in his voice, and he threw an arm around my shoulders. "_Any_thing to protect my Moony from the evils of Snivellus!"

Yes, Sirius was definitely getting stranger. Not that I minded.

--

History of Magic was the same dull drivel that it always was. I could hardly fault Professor Binns, even if he looked like he'd kick the bucket on a whim – although I doubted that even _death _would prevent him from continuing his dry lectures. The material, no matter how much more boring _he_ made it, was still boring in itself. Throughout most of the class, Sirius slept. Peter had sneaked a muffin into the room and was taking quick bites from it; James kept nodding off, though icy glares from Lily seemed to keep him focused, if only for a few minutes at a time. It was a class we shared with the Ravenclaws, so without the presence of the Slytherins, it was even _more _tedious.

--

That night, James was absent, spending his evening in detention with Professor Sprout and Lucius Malfoy. Which really had to be a horrible experience for Professor Sprout. Anyway, because of this, Lily was gone – yet again – and it started to make me a little suspicious of her motives (even if suspecting her of something seemed absolutely ridiculous). Perhaps she had a test coming up in one of her super-hard classes (a class that the Marauders would _never _take), but I was still somewhat skeptical. Sirius didn't seem to notice, though – he was too busy relaying to me his new ideas concerning our upcoming Plan.

"Be quiet. Peter'll hear you if you don't shut up," I grumbled, as I stretched out on the sofa in the common room, trying to take up as much space as possible. Several younger Gryffindors were sharing the room with us, but they seemed to be busy with their studies – something that in all of his previous six years at Hogwarts Sirius had deemed "unnecessary."

"Being quiet is something I am rarely capable of, Moony, and you know that." He eyed the couch that I was filling, and added, "Besides, Wormtail's asleep upstairs and _you _know for a _fact _that he can't hear above his own snoring. Now move the bugger over."

"No."

"Remus, you make it so hard, sometimes."

I couldn't help but smirk, and knowing exactly what I was doing, said, "I'm sure I do."

Sirius' eyes flashed with an unmistakable understanding, and he tried to mask his surprise with a scowl. "You are full of shit." That said, he sat on my knees. Which hurt a lot.

_Yes, Sirius, I know _exactly _what is going on inside your head, and it's quite amusing to watch you attempt to figure it all out_. I winced under his weight and sighed, "Sirius, if you'd kindly stand up, I will move my legs."

"That takes all the fun out of it," he responded with a grin.

_Very amusing, indeed._

--

**POV – Sirius**

_He knows. Oh, bugger, the bastard knows. _I had retreated from the common room up to my bed, and for the longest time, I sat there, at the foot of the mattress, _thinking _and _fretting _and _worrying _my arse off. _Knows what, exactly? _I asked myself. _What _is _there to know? Do _I _even know what there is to know? _I decided I didn't. Either that, or I was too much of a pansy to admit anything to myself. And that was probably the truth. With a pitiful groan, I pulled myself up from the floor and collapsed onto my unmade bed. Peter was snoring louder than I'd ever heard him snore before and under no circumstance could I sleep in this environment. As a human, that is. And so I yawned one last time before transforming into a dog – and almost instantly slipped into a deep slumber.

--

Amazingly, no one woke me up – not even James, upon his return from detention – and I stayed that way all night.

In the surprise of a lifetime, I was the first to wake up – at the amazing time of four o'clock. Still a dog, I jumped off my bed and landed on the floor without a sound, and in the blackness of a November morning, surveyed the other four boys who were still asleep in the room. Frank Longbottom – the only one who had his bed curtains drawn shut – was mumbling incoherent words in his slumber, and I let him be. Peter was still snoring just as loudly as he had been several hours before, and James was laying face-down on his pillow, making me wonder how the hell he could breathe, or if he was even _alive_ at all. _Bugger Prongs_, I thought, and turned my attention to Remus. He was sleeping peacefully and was therefore a _perfect _target. With a running leap, I crashed onto his bed, pawing at his form as he writhed beneath me, swear words and curses of all sorts flying out of his mouth.

"Fuckyou," came his slurred speech, "fuckyou, Sir'us, tryin' to buggerin' molest me in th' mornin'."

I barked in appreciation, forgetting about the three boys who remained asleep, then did what any dog would do, and licked Remus' face.

He didn't appreciate that too much, but it woke him up considerably. "_Disgusting_, Padfoot!" Remus sighed, and stopped twisting in his sheets, seeming to give up. "I'm tired. Then again, I know that when you're in your dog form, you can't get a word in edgewise and I can say whatever the hell I want until you transform." He shot me an evil-looking smirk, and I knew that I would have to turn back to my normal self, or suffer the witty (albeit tired) wrath of Remus Lupin. "I'll give you five seconds before I drop the Big Question on you, Sirius."

Big Question? I didn't want to know what _that _was (though I had some sort of idea), and in an instant, as Remus began his countdown, I turn back into the Sirius Black whom everyone knew me as. "Good morning, Remus!"

"Hello, Sirius. It's four o'clock in the morning and I do believe you are sitting on top of me on my bed."

That simple statement was enough to make me dive off Remus' mattress, and when I hit the floor, I was sorely wishing that I was still in my dog form.

"Will you two _shut up_?" The grumble came from James' bed. So, he _was _alive, after all. "Bloody runnin' around and jumpin' everywhere at – what time is it – fuckin' hell! It's four in the fuckin' mornin'!"

I sat on the end of my bed and pointed at Remus. "_He _started it!"

"I bloody well _did not_!" Remus shouted back. "You _jumped _on me!"

Peter's snoring broke off, and I was _sure _we had woken _him_ up, too. "I couldn't help it, Moony! You were sleeping and you looked so vulnerable and adorable –" I did _not _just say that.

"It's too early, Sirius," James scolded. "Stop your bullshit and go back to sleep. And leave Remus the hell alone." Leaning forward, he yanked his curtains shut, swearing angrily and tiredly behind them

I didn't listen to whatever James had just mumbled. Instead, I was sitting stock-still on my bed, a look of horror on my face, as the realization of what I'd just proclaimed started to settle in. _I buggering _said _that Remus was adorable. _I hoped to whatever High Being who was watching over us that no one had noticed – Peter and Frank still seemed to be asleep, James hadn't said anything about it, and Remus –

Oh, shit, Remus.

I eased myself back under my sheets, hoping that he would ignore me and not say anything, hoping he hadn't heard, hoping –

"Sirius, come here."

_Shit._

I sighed, climbed out of my bed, and gingerly crossed the room to where Remus was sitting on the side of his mattress, not looking so tired anymore. He ran a hand through his mussed-up hair and yawned.

"Sorry, Moony."

As I took a seat next to him, he smiled, barely visible in the twilight. "Sorry for what?"

My first answer was a shrug. I really didn't _know _what I was apologizing for, only that I knew I had to apologize for _some_thing. Then I groaned, and scratched my forehead, and fidgeted, knowing that I _had _to come up with something to say. Finally, "I'm sorry for being such a buggering _poofter_, lately."

Silence.

I couldn't believe what had just come out of my mouth. Never had that thought, in those words, actually crossed my mind, and here, all of a sudden, I was telling this to _Remus. _There was another moment or two of stifling silence, before the boy sitting next to me finally spoke.

"You don't have to be sorry about that," Remus said quietly. Neither of us said anything for several minutes, so he added, even more softly, "It's too early, Sirius. Go back to sleep."

And I did. Though, really, it wasn't all that restful.

* * *

**To be continued...

* * *

A/N: **Chapter four, in the books. Be warned that in the next couple of chapters, there's slightly (okay a lot) more drama than there is humor. Sorry, really, I am -- but it was kinda... necessary? I dunno. But, I mean -- you know just as well as I do that everything will be hilarious in the end. Anyway, thanks for reading, and please _please_ do review, as it's wonderful to turn on my computer and see an inbox full of stuff that _isn't _spam! Thanks again... and you'll see chapter five in several days! 

-mo


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **I've returned from my fabulous trip up north, and I've got Chapter Five ready for all you wonderful readers!

**Warnings: **Same old, same old. There might be a few surprises in this one... or not. Oh, yeah, there's hardly anything funny about this chapter... Mostly drama. Sirius at his worst... That's all.

**Disclaimer: **Guess what? I finally bought all six of the _Harry Potter_ books! Actually, to be fair, my mother did, and a couple days passed by before she remembered to tell me. That said, alas, I am not J. K. Rowling and will never be.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Five

* * *

POV – James**

Sirius didn't show up at any of our classes that morning, and as I sat in the Great Hall, eating lunch with Lily and Remus and Peter, all I could do was wonder where the _bugger _he was. Maybe I had been too angry with him earlier, when he'd woken us all up at the ghastly hour of four in the morning – then again, he'd _deserved _it, and besides, we were all too tired to know what was going on. Thinking about it, I could barely even _remember _what I'd said to him. _Nothing too bad, if I can't recall it_, I thought. Still, Sirius hadn't shown up at breakfast, nor at Charms or Defense Against the Dark Arts – and it was beginning to worry me. Without his presence, our end of the table was uncharacteristically quiet, and everyone, it seemed, noticed. This only added more fuel to the necessity of the Mother of All Pranks that Peter and I were planning.

I sighed loudly, in an unsuccessful attempt to break the silence. Remus was looking more preoccupied than usual – although, I'm sure that we _all _were – and he was staring dismally at the food on his plate. "Moony, you alright?"

He glanced up at me, then shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose so."

It wasn't the answer I really wanted to hear, so I asked, "You know what's up with Padfoot?"

Remus frowned. "I might. Although it _is _strange for him to skip both his classes _and _his meals." He paused for a moment to take a bite from his salad, and added, sounding quasi-hopeful, "He's probably still in bed. I'll go up there in a few minutes and try to work some sense out of him."

I nodded. "You do that – he's been a little out of whack lately, if you know what I mean."

"I do."

Sirius _was _out of whack. On Sunday, he'd been more giddy and obnoxious than _ever_, and on Monday, he'd been contemplative and almost secretive, and today – well, _today_,he was a no-show. This was a cause for concern, but Remus, it seemed, had everything figured out – like usual. If anything, _Remus _was out of whack, too – though this could probably be credited to the fact that Sirius was acting strange to begin with.

"James, I've got a friend who needs to talk to me." It was Lily, and I'd completely forgotten that she'd been sitting next to me. She leaned closer and said with a whispered half-grin, "I think it has to do with Severus and his awful name-calling."

"Oh, great, Snivellus has ruined someone else's life." I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and murmured, "Bye, Lily." She stood and walked away, a stack of books tucked under her arm. As soon as she disappeared, I flicked my glance back to Remus and said, "Think Sirius is messed up because of _her_?"

Remus shook his head. "He thought so, at first – I mean, maybe he is, I don't know. I know he feels that he can't do anything fun – namely, cause chaos – when she's around. But, really – I don't know what exactly is going on with him. Or maybe I do, it's just that –" Remus broke off and sighed, realizing that he wasn't making any sense. "I'm sorry. I'd better go and see what's wrong with him." That said, he looked around awkwardly, stood, and walked off.

I turned to Peter. "What's eating him?"

"I dunno. Seems to be a little bit flustered today."

I heaved a sigh, though it didn't exactly work because I had food in my mouth at the same time. "Bugger. I just don't understand why the hell everyone's acting so odd, lately. Even _Lily _has been rather secretive, don't you think?"

Peter nodded. "_Uncharacteristically_ secretive. I asked a few other people who share classes with her – they don't have any tests coming up. So that whole 'I'm studying for exams' thing she's put out is completely bogus."

Groaning, I shoved my plate aside, not feeling so hungry anymore. "It's official. Everyone is going crazy _except _for me and you. I've got an idea, though – I've been thinking about our Mother of All Pranks that's coming up in a few days. During that stupid detention I had with Lucius last night, I thought up a few more details."

"Oh, good!"

"You know the ceiling in here?" I asked with a mischievous smirk. Today, the bewitched ceiling of the Great Hall was stormy and gray, an exact replica of the depressing weather outside. "I was thinking we could put a temporary spell of our own on it."

"Any idea of what?"

"Hearts and rainbows," I laughed. "And – and unicorns, too."

"We should work Snivellus into this plan somehow, too."

My face lit up with yet _another _brilliant realization. "Perfect, Wormtail! And I think I've got _just _the thing…"

--

**POV – Sirius**

All morning. I _couldn't _believe it. Was I _that_ crazy – that I'd skip all of my morning classes _and _breakfast and lunch? Was I that desperately _confused? _I sighed, still sitting on the edge of my bed, in the same position I'd been in since everyone left to go to breakfast, _hours _earlier. I assured myself that I _had _to be going insane. There I was, sitting in the midday gloom of a November afternoon, with the horrible, nagging thought of _I'm a poofter _chasing through my head. _No. No, of course I'm not_. Straight as an arrow, I was. I liked girls. With some amount of horror, I realized I'd thought both of these things in the _past _tense.

_If anyone's a poofter, it'd be Moony, not me. He basically _said _so himself, this morning!_

I took a moment to think about that. _No, he didn't, _I told myself. _And that's only because he thinks _I'm _one. And Remus is never wrong. _Slouching even more, I sighed miserably and held my face in my hands. _If I can't find a chick to tap in the next few hours, everything's lost._

There was a knock on the door, and I froze. _Please be Frank, or James, or Peter – please, please, _please_ don't be –_

A moment later, Remus walked in, looking slightly perturbed. "Everyone's worrying their arses off, because of you," he said, and took a seat next to me. Our shoulders brushed, and the contact was absolutely _maddening_. "You know, you _could_ fill us in on some of the details, so we won't all think you're clinically depressed."

"You know what's wrong with me," I grumbled, and said nothing more.

"Do I? I'm not so sure I do. Why don't you tell me again so that I'm not horribly mistaken and do something I might regret."

The significance of his words made my heart beat even quicker, and I groaned. _He knew. _"Moony, I'm having issues – well, okay, I _know _that's obvious, but…" My voice trailed off, and I hesitated, not sure of what I wanted to say. "Look, I think – I think I –" Why couldn't I say it? I treated the inescapable phrase like an _Avada Kedavra _– instant death. What the hell was my problem? "Remus, you know what I'm trying to say, and if you don't, then you're pretty dense, and I _know _you're not dense –"

"You're gay."

It wasn't a question. And it baffled me, how he had said it so simply, without any hesitation, as a _statement_. I shook my head. "I don't… I don't know."

Remus sighed, then shrugged. "Then think about it some more."

"James sent you up here, didn't he?"

"No. Although he _is_ kind of worried."

"Don't tell him what's going on."

A shadow of a smirk flickered across Remus' face. "Marauders keeping secrets from one another? That's _unheard _of!" I was about to protest, but he quickly added, "You know I'm _kidding_. Don't worry. I won't tell Prongs a thing. Even if there's really nothing to tell at all."

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucked up right now."

"Obviously." Remus smiled kindly and said, "I haven't seen you so anguished in my six – going on seven – years of knowing you. The school's much quieter when you lock yourself away like this – and that's not always such a good thing."

"Would you care?"

"About…?"

I rolled my eyes – Remus was making me say this on purpose. "If I was a poofter."

He chuckled. "What do you think?"

I shrugged. "I don't know – unlike you, I don't possess the amazing and improbable ability to read unsuspecting minds."

This time, Remus laughed. "You _know _I can't do that – and Sirius, of _course _I wouldn't care! Here I am, a buggering werewolf, and I've faced discrimination of every kind all my life. Do you really think I'd ditch you if you happened to like blokes? I thought you were _smarter_ than that, Padfoot."

"So did I." For the first time in _hours_, I smiled.

"You're coming to Transfiguration this afternoon, I hope."

I nodded. All of a sudden, I felt one hell of a lot better, and I wasn't exactly sure of why. "Yeah, I'll be there."

Remus headed for the door. "Class starts in fifteen minutes. See you then." Without waiting any longer, he left, and for several moments, I stared at the empty doorway, just _wondering_.

--

**POV – Lily**

Before today, I never would have guessed that a member of the male race – or, even more strangely, a _group _of the male race – could suffer mood swings. But when it came time for Transfiguration, Sirius had mysteriously re-appeared with a coy grin on his face and the Marauders were seemingly back in business – quite the contrast from lunch, which had only been _minutes _earlier. Of course, the sudden resurgence of laughter and snickers coming from James and Sirius only made Professor McGonagall angrier and the Slytherins with whom we shared the class surlier.

But I couldn't help but admit to myself that I thought some of their antics were funnier than hell.

Very un-Lily Evans-esque, but never mind _that _assumption – for in the past couple days, I'd been planning a small prank of my own, set to be executed on Sunday. No doubt it would astound James and Sirius, and perhaps force the school to show me a _little _more respect and reverence. As unlikely as it seemed, it truly _was _possible for me, Lily Evans, the Gryffindor Ice Queen and Hogwarts Head Girl, to sink as low as the Marauders and do a little pranking of my own. The idea of causing a wee bit of havoc was both frightening and delightful. Sure, I was a prefect, and prefects – hypothetically – just _didn't _engage in that kind of behavior. But Remus Lupin did – I knew for a _fact _that he helped James with most of his pranks on a daily basis (yet was always hesitant to admit his involvement) – so there was no reason why I couldn't cause a little bit of anarchy on my own.

So far, I'd dreamt up a few details for Sunday's prank – the idea of turning the floor of the Great Hall into a field of squelchy mud held a certain fondness for me, and I wasn't exactly sure of _why_. Even better, to show my disdain for the sport of Quidditch that James and Sirius so dearly loved, I decided I would have some fun with the pitch. I'd researched the Muggle sports of choice and had come up with quite a few interesting ideas – American football and soccer held playing fields that were very similar to that of Quidditch, but _ice hockey _and _basketball _were _radically _different. To make things as chaotic as possible, I'd decided that turning the pitch into a sheet of ice would be quite entertaining. What made it even better was I'd learned that the Slytherin Quidditch team had a practice early that morning.

"_Miss Evans!_" Professor McGonagall's voice sliced violently through my thoughts.

"Y-yes?" Behind me, James and Sirius were snickering their arses off, and I realized, with horror, that I must have been daydreaming.

"For the third time, will you _please _demonstrate to the class how to turn this owl into a fruit bowl."

Still feeling rather mischievous, I didn't try all too hard. _Bowl _sounded like _toilet_, and when all was said and done, a toilet seat with tiny, feathered wings fluttered about the classroom. James and Sirius almost fainted from laughter, and I was given a two-hour detention for that night.

Not bad at all, Lily.

--

**POV – Remus**

"Holy hell, I never knew Evans had it in her!" Sirius declared that evening. "And to think she's always telling _me _what to do!"

I shook my head and laughed. "I must admit, that _was _pretty funny. Do you really think she meant to do it on purpose, though?"

"Probably," James said with a smirk. "Otherwise, she shoulda been able to pull off that transfiguration just fine." He paused, then added, with a dramatic, sinister tone, "She's up to something."

"_Yeah_, she is," Peter agreed. "I was telling Prongs all that studying she's been doing – it's all bunk. She doesn't have any tests coming up."

"I wonder what she's planning," James mused, and took a gulp of Butterbeer.

"Most likely, a way to exterminate the Marauders," Peter grumbled.

While they imagined what sorts of evil Lily was engaging in, I noticed that Sirius had fallen silent. I was sharing the sofa with him again that night, and, unsurprisingly, he looked preoccupied. "What's bothering you?"

Sirius shrugged. "A lot of things. A _certain _thing. Everything."

"Way to be clear, Padfoot."

"Sorry."

"Want to talk about it upstairs?"

"_Yes_," he responded immediately – almost _too _immediately.

I sighed and staggered to my feet. "We're going upstairs to discuss Padfoot's newest love interest," I grumbled – drawing a surprised glare from Sirius. "We'll be back down later."

As we left a perplexed-looking James and Peter behind, Sirius hissed, "I can't _believe _you said that!"

"They'll either assume it's a girl or think I'm talking bullshit, so relax." We climbed the stairs and stumbled into the dormitory – much to Sirius' relief, no one else was there. "Sirius, you have my utmost attention and all the privacy in the world." With a flick of my wand, the door locked behind us. "Now what did you want to talk about?" In an instant, Sirius seized me by the shoulders and brought me into a kiss. _If this is how you choose to vent your confusion, so be it_… I let him deepen the kiss – with tongues and all – and the snog session soon turned from hesitant to fierce. Sirius' pale-blue eyes were open the entire time, staring directly into my calm gaze, and only when his hands began to roam down my body did I pull away, giving him an amused look. "Well…?"

Sirius blushed and smiled shyly. "I… I don't know. No different than kissing a girl, I guess."

"Oh, thanks _a lot_."

"I mean – I didn't mean it _that _way – but you know what I mean. I –" He trailed off. "I feel really stupid."

"Why?"

"Because – I don't even know if I'm – hell, I don't even know if _you're _–"

I smirked, never having seen Sirius so indecisive before. "That's for me to know and you to find out," I murmured, and unlocked the door with another flick of my wand. "I'm heading downstairs – something tells me old Sluggy's got a pop quiz in store for us tomorrow." I shot Sirius one last smirk before exiting the room. It was probably an unfair thing to do, to leave him hanging like that – but experience told me that giving a confused boy time to think was a good thing.

--

**POV – Sirius**

That evening, I didn't return to the common room. I knew that I had an assignment due in the morning for History of Magic – an essay concerning the common, historic Muggle misconceptions of witches and wizards, or something stupid like that – but at this moment, schoolwork was the least important thing in my life. _I just kissed Remus_, I thought queasily, taking a seat on the side of my bed. _I just sodding kissed Remus. _Everything else in the world was put on hold while I relived those twenty seconds of contact between us. _He _let_ me kiss him. _And even after I'd run through the whole thing several times over, I still couldn't sort out my feelings – part of me wanted to kiss him again and again, but another part of me wouldn't even admit to _myself_ whathad happened. Was I really that fucked up, that I'd like something – or someone – but never even acknowledge it to myself? _That's pretty fucked up, Sirius._

_And stupid._

Inside me, a voice said halfheartedly, _Just try and give girls one more shot, Padfoot._ But the tone of the voice and how it had murmured those words made it sound as if all hope was lost. I grumbled a few swear words, then climbed into my bed and pulled the curtains shut. I was immersed in an impenetrable darkness, but that night, I couldn't sleep.

--

Wednesday morning arrived, just as miserable and drizzly as the previous days had been. If I hadn't felt so upset with myself to begin with, then the weather most certainly would have made my mood even worse. Instead of pulling pranks at breakfast, I hastily plagiarized Remus' essay for History of Magic, copying it with my own horrible grammar and spelling so that Professor Binns wouldn't be too suspicious. Luckily, my 'borrowing' of Remus' assignments wasn't exactly an uncommon thing, and he never seemed to mind. Especially not this morning – he seemed more cheerful than usual at breakfast, and yet I couldn't bring myself to establish eye contact with him. The events of the night before were still fresh in my mind, and were still left unresolved. Today, my mission would be to try my luck with a girl, one last time, and if that attempt failed –

Well, if it failed, then I'd have a few things to worry about.

Namely, my honor, my reputation, and my future. But I wasn't exactly one to plan ahead any further than a week, so the last of the three didn't bother me nearly as much as the first two. And, speaking of planning ahead, Remus and I still had a lot of work to do for Sunday's Grand Master Plan. We weren't running out of time, not by any means, but there were still some things to figure out here and there, and both Remus and I wanted to do _something _to the Great Hall, but, as of yet, neither of us had come up with a good idea.

Yes, there was plenty of time to think about our Day of Pranks, but I had more pressing issues to attend to: I needed to find a girl to shag, and fast, or else I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

--

That morning, our classes passed by somewhat awkwardly; though Remus and I sat next to one another in both Potions and History of Magic, neither of us spoke to one another, at least not when it wasn't necessary. This was pretty stupid, and pretty childish – because it was obvious that _Remus _wanted to talk. But he seemed content enough to leave me with my thoughts, and I wasn't about to bring up a topic I might regret. At least, there was nothing on my mind that I wanted to talk about in _public_.

When it came time for lunch, I was both surprised and a little alarmed to find that Remus didn't show up. _Maybe – _I began, but I couldn't think of a good explanation. I had to convince myself of something, or else I'd be unsettled, and at last, the thought of _He's thinking up some good pranks for Sunday_ seemed to satisfy me.

"You've both been acting pretty sodding weird lately," James grumbled, his mouth stuffed with food. (This elicited a cry of "James, don't talk with your mouth full!" from Lily.) I didn't answer to this statement, so he sighed, and in the hopes of receiving a response, added, "There something going on?"

I shrugged. "There is. But it's not too much to be worried about." _At least, not after tonight, when I reconfirm to myself that all the girls in the world go head-over-heels for me. Unless_… "At least, not yet," I said.

Peter eyed me incredulously, but said nothing; Lily had a funny look on her face that I couldn't figure out, and I knew that I had to be careful around her and girls in general – they could _practically _read minds, what, with their amazing skills at discerning emotions. All James said was, "Okay."

--

That afternoon, when we returned to our classes, I didn't ask Remus where he'd been during lunch. In fact, I didn't talk to Remus at all. After lunch had ended, I'd found a girl – a pretty, albeit _desperate_ girl – and though, for some odd reason, I couldn't imagine myself snogging her, I was still relieved to know that the evening's plan would be going ahead smoothly.

Or so I hoped.

At dinner, Remus was absent once again and I couldn't help but wonder if he knew what I'd planned for that night. James didn't seem to think I was acting strangely (that is, stranger than usual), and even started off the supper festivities by transfiguring a platter of food at the Slytherin table into a large Blast-Ended Skrewt. Though Hagrid appeared to be delighted by this development, Professor McGonagall _didn't_, and she gave James a three-and-a-half hour detention, to be served immediately after dinner.

--

Things started out well. At nine o'clock, I'd shown up near the Room of Requirement, and had been pleased to find that the girl – I didn't know her name, but knew she was a sixth-year Ravenclaw – was waiting for me, wondering why we were standing outside a room that didn't seem to exist ("There aren't any doors down this hallway!" she had said). I explained the magic of the room to her briefly, then led her down the darkened corridor, gesturing to a door that hadn't been there only minutes before.

Much to my pleasure, everything had gone well so far – as soon as we were inside (strangely enough, it was set up like a starkly-decorated motel room), a snog session ensued. When I realized, with panic and horror, that I was getting absolutely nothing out of it, I closed my eyes, trying to imagine someone else, trying to imagine all the other girls, but that didn't work, and finally – _Remus. _And as soon as the thin frame of the werewolf appeared in my mind's eye, the kisses instantly became worthwhile, and the girl – _No! Remus! Remus!_ – writhed beneath me, kissing back just as hard. I think I'd removed her – _his _– shirt when everything came crashing down around me, and I murmured, my words slurred, "I love you, Moony."

The body beneath me froze and said lightly, "My name's _Marion_, not Moony."

And I realized, with terror, what I'd just done.

She was gone before I knew it, and I sat there, on that stark-white bed, staring at the stark-white cinderblock walls, wondering how the hell it was possible to fuck up _that bad.

* * *

_**To be continued...

* * *

A/N: **And there you go, Chapter Five! Yes, I apologize once more for the lack of humor (after all, the prime genre of this story _is _humor!) but I promise there will be many more laughs in the near future. I also promise to have this entire story done and uploaded before I leave for college (Northern Michigan, baby!) in three and a half weeks (oh, shit, is it really so soon?), so expect quick updates.

Thanks for reading, and go ahead and review... it's not so hard!

-mo


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **I've been feeling a little idle lately, so I thought I'd spoil my readers with an early update. College starts in about three weeks for me, so you know that I want to get this all done before the real torture begins... Besides working on this story, I've been taking time to re-read the books -- as in, read them all for only the second time (I'm a late newcomer to the HP world). It's been good for me -- giving me some ideas and such. The last chapter of this fanfic is being worked upon right now, and it makes me laugh everytime I proof read it.

**Warnings: **Potty-mouthed Marauders, Snape being a dumbarse, and a passage from Peter's point of view (perhaps the scariest thing _ever_).

**Disclaimer: **Seeing as I've only read one-half of the books twice, and the other three once, it'd be stupid of you dumb lawyers to think I _own_ what JKR has written.

With that said, enjoy!

* * *

**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Six

* * *

**

**POV – Peter**

_Some_thing was up with Sirius and I was determined to find out what. Never mind that he'd been acting oddly all week; but today, he'd been _especially_ strange. He'd left lunch early, and had appeared rather nervous and flustered during our afternoon classes. Even more inexplicable was the fact he hadn't spoken to Remus all day (the night before, they had been inseparable). And, tonight, when he'd left the common room without so much as an explanation – I _knew _something was up.

It was ten o'clock, and with James in detention and Remus missing in action yet _again_, I promptly slipped out of the Gryffindor Tower, not exactly knowing where I was headed. I'd find my way, eventually, but in the darkened corridors of the castle, everything appeared more sinister than ever and I had a hard time keeping myself from constantly throwing glances over my shoulder. Wandering through the school had become second nature to me, and, really, all I was doing was following my senses – but when I realized I'd brought myself dangerously close to the stairs that led down to the Slytherin Dungeons, I froze.

Voices reverberated off the stone walls – student voices – and in a moment of sudden panic, I turned myself into a rat. _Oh, well, all the better_, I decided, as I crawled across the cold floor, sheltered by the deep shadows. I crept closer to the voices, determined, for some reason, to find out whom they belonged to. With my heightened sense of hearing, I realized that the male voice – cool and venomous – belonged to a certain Severus Snape. The girl's voice, however, I did not recognize, and as soon as I could see her, it became clear that I didn't recognize her by sight, either.

She was livid, and close to tears. "I thought you might know," she said, her voice trembling.

"Know what?" Snape didn't seem to be very thrilled about this late-night rendezvous.

"It's about Sirius," she whispered, and at these words, I nearly jumped, and listened even harder. "It's rather embarrassing, but I thought – thought you might have some insight into the matter."

"If you've woken me to discuss that half-witted fool –"

"Will you shut up and listen to me!" she cried, and her voice rang off the dungeon walls. "It's – it's just so stupid. All I have is a question, and then I'll leave you alone. We were having our own bit of fun earlier this evening" – at these words, Snape sneered – "and in the middle of it all – he – do you know a _Moony_? Who is she?"

Snape looked like he was about ready to double over with laughter – but he held it all inside quite expertly. "As a matter of fact, I _do_, and _he_…" His voice trailed off, and then he asked, "This was Black, you say?"

She nodded, her eyes wide and gleaming. And without saying anything else, in a swirl of his robes, Snape disappeared into the darkness of the Slytherin Dungeons.

Meanwhile, I scurried in the opposite direction. As soon as it was safe, I transfigured back into my human form, huffing and puffing as I ran. The conversation was being stitched together in my mind, and, slowly, it all started to make sense. The painting of the Fat Lady came into sight, and after I'd panted the password and climbed through, all I could think was _Sirius loves Remus? _

--

**POV – Remus**

I honestly didn't expect Sirius to figure out _any_thing in one night, let alone _several days_, so Wednesday's extended silent-treatment didn't bother me too much. I knew that none of it was _my _fault – and, somehow, I had the feeling that Sirius knew it wasn't, either. The first thing I'd expected him to do was seek out a bird to shag, which he'd done after lunch, and for the rest of the afternoon, he'd been on edge – _full of denial_, I'd thought with a slight smile.

But now it was a quarter to eleven, and I'd been sitting on the side of my bed in the dormitories for almost three hours – and Sirius was still missing. There was some commotion downstairs in the common room, and I assumed James was _finally _back from his detention with Professor McGonagall. Peter's voice also sounded, and I wondered where the bugger he had been. Still, though, no sign of Sirius –

And then the common room fell silent, save for someone shouting a well-woven tapestry of swear words, and I knew, immediately, who it was. Sirius stormed upstairs and into the dormitory, locking the door behind him, and set his angry eyes on _me_. "Remus, I am officially a poofter and with that said, I think I'll kill myself this _instant_."

"Didn't go so well, did it?"

"No," he said, and took a seat on the end of his bed, crossing his legs like a pretzel. "It didn't go well _at all_. In fact, it went _worse _than I ever could have imagined."

"Care to explain?"

Sirius hesitated. "I don't think you'd understand," he said.

I rolled my eyes, and tried not to smile because the other boy looked _extremely _upset at the moment. "I think I _would_."

"Fine, then," Sirius grumbled. "Just imagine – here I am, snogging this girl, and I realize I _can't stand _it. But you know me, Moony – I'd _never_ get cold feet and dash out on her, just like that. So I figure I've got to _imagine_ it's someone else, and –" Sirius' mouth snapped shut and he didn't finish the sentence.

"I can't read minds, Padfoot."

"I'm not – I can't –" He sighed. "I won't elaborate any more. I've said too much, already."

I decided not to hazard a guess, and instead I just nodded my head sympathetically. "I understand," I said, although, really – I didn't – at least, not as much as I _wished_ I did.

He shook his head. "No – you don't know everything, and maybe it should just _stay _that way. Remus, what the bugger am I gonna do? I'm a fucking _poofter_."

The question took me by surprise, and for a moment, I just sat there, thinking. What_ could_ Sirius do?He'd built up such a reputation to be the Womanizer of Hogwarts, and now, _this? _"I… gosh, Sirius, I don't know."

"What? You, _Remus Lupin_, don't _know _something? Oh, I'm _truly _done for, now." No matter how dire the situation, Sirius could always put on a theatrical show. Half of his words were in jest, even if his school-wide reputation was hanging by a thread.

I smirked. "I'll sleep on it, Sirius, and maybe I can find an answer for you by tomorrow morning."

Sirius groaned and flopped over onto his stomach. "I fucked up big time, Remus."

"It happens to the best of us." The last embers in the fireplace started to fade away, their orangey glow dying and being replaced by a warm shroud of darkness. "It'd be best to go to sleep, now, before the others come up and ask you where the bugger you've been."

"I know," he grumbled miserably. Several minutes passed, full of nothing but silence – perhaps it was half an hour. Then, unexpectedly, Sirius whispered, "I called her 'Moony'."

I said nothing, and instead stared skywards, my deepest suspicions coming true.

"Call me a bastard, if you'd like," he continued, his voice soft and distant. "But I thought… you know, just in case… just in case word got out, you'd want hear it from me, first."

"I'm glad I did," I murmured, and spoke no more. _Sirius Black, insecure like never before, is in love with me. _This was the biggest turn of events in all of our six-and-counting years at Hogwarts. _Sirius is in love with me, and he doesn't know how much I've loved him ever since we first met._

Though _he_ probably didn't sleep all that well, I did.

--

Thursday morning was a rude, rude shock.

In the twilight of dawn, Peter glanced around the dormitory nervously, then coughed. "I'm, uh, warning you right now, Remus, Sirius – Snivelly is up to _no _good." He sat on the end of his bed, waiting for James to finish taking his shower.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked tiredly, unsuccessfully suppressing a yawn.

Peter sighed and brought his voice down to a whisper. "I was worried about you last night, Padfoot – so I snuck out. I ran into Snape, and he was talking to this girl – they didn't see me, of course – and – she _told _him – about – about _you _and –"

"Me," I grumbled, almost inaudible.

"That slimy, fucking _bastard_," Sirius hissed, rage clouding his face. "And that horrible _bitch _–"

"Wait, wait," Peter said, holding his hands up in an attempt to stop Sirius' livid tirade. "She didn't _tell _him, but she asked – asked who _Moony _was. And _he _didn't tell _her_. But – he knows."

"_Bugger_!"

This news was most unpleasant. For the past thirty-six hours, Sirius hadn't been in a very good state of mind, and this wouldn't help him any. It was bad enough that _Peter _knew what was going on – but I knew we could trust him, and besides, he was a _Marauder _– but _Snape? _Knowing Snape, who _hated_ Sirius (and me) with a fiery passion, the entire school would know before breakfast. I shot a glance to Sirius. "You still want to go to down to the Great Hall to eat?"

He nodded, his anger making him twitch. "Yes, I do, because when I see Snivellus, I am going to _kill _him."

"Maybe we can take care of this in a bloodless, yet amusing manner." The voice belonged to James. He stepped into the dormitory, a towel around his waist and his damp hair plastered to his forehead, and grumbled, "Wormtail told me about what he saw last night. Snivelly's got a death-wish placed on his head, even if he _is _talking bullshit."

When James said this, I noticed Sirius flinch. _So they don't believe it. _I wasn't sure if that was good or bad, but in Sirius' case, it was probably beneficial.

--

**POV – Sirius**

For the first time in several days, the Marauders departed for the Great Hall as a complete group of four. I knew that as soon as I laid my eyes on Snape, he'd be a dead man, no matter what James said. _That sodding bastard is going to die. _ Droves of fellow students were filing in to the Great Hall, many of them talking excitedly – _too _excitedly, I decided – and flashing Remus and me odd looks. _So he's done it, then – he's spread the word. _Though, really, nothing could have prepared me for what was to be seen inside the massive room.

_SIRIUS BLACK WANTS TO SHAG REMUS LUPIN_

The words were written in fire on _every_ table, each large letter blazing as clear as day. Quickly, I began to retch, but I felt Remus' hand grip my shoulder, and that gradually calmed me down. "Relax, Sirius," he said, and together, we walked toward our table. Lily had succeeded in hexing away the statement from the Gryffindor table, but hadn't tried to erase it from the other three. In fact, I discovered with horror, Snape had even gone as far as to burn the slanderous message into the teachers' table, as well, where Slughorn appeared to be somewhat perturbed, but said nothing, and instead ate his breakfast. Professor McGonagall looked _enraged_.

"I _can't _believe this," I muttered through gritted teeth. "Where _is _that arsehole? I'll _kill _him!"

"Why don't you eat something," Remus suggested coolly as he sat down.

"I'm not hungry," I said, and remained standing. James was headed off toward the Slytherin table and I decided that was a good destination for me, as well. I grabbed Remus by his wrist, yanked him up from his chair, and said, "Come with me."

"Don't do something you'll regret," he grumbled, but followed me anyway as I crossed the Great Hall. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed us, and soon we were standing next to James and Peter, who were already engaged in a shouting match with Snape.

" – deserved it ever since Day One, Potter!"

"And what the bugger is going to stop me from killing you, right now?"

"I believe you tried that once already and got cold feet."

Catching sight of Snape, I could feel the hatred swell within me. "Let me handle this, Prongs," I grumbled, and pushed James aside.

"Oh, look, it's the poofter, himself," Snape said dryly. "From the Noble House of Black."

I'm not sure what spell I used, but in an instant I had withdrawn my wand and in a flash of blue, had sent Severus crashing headlong into the floor, knocking over his chair as he did. Preparing to strike him again, I heard Remus' calm voice say from behind me, "No, Sirius."

I wheeled around to face him – he was as composed as ever, appearing neither angry nor upset about the current situation. "But, Remus –"

"It appears that Dumbledore has begun to clean up Severus'… mess."

I shot Snape a deathly glance before stumbling over the tipped chair – and it was then, when I reached Remus' side, that the werewolf suddenly brought me into an embrace, initiating the most wonderful kiss that I could ever recall. The Great Hall fell silent and melted away, and for a moment, it was only the two of us, and I was in a state of pure ecstasy.

Then, slowly, everything came back, in whirls of muted color and whisperings, and James' mutterings of "Bloody hell…"

--

I think we made Hogwarts history that day. I'm not exactly sure _how_, or under what category the breakfast-time display fell, but I doubted anything like _that _had ever happened before.

Remus and I stormed out of the Great Hall together, James and Peter suddenly absent. Unlike myself, Remus looked nothing more than distracted, while I was about ready to kill anyone who threw a glance our way. "Prongs and Wormy didn't know," I grumbled as we walked by a herd of third-year Hufflepuff girls. Recognition shone in their eyes, and as soon as we had passed, they started to giggle. I directed a hex over my shoulder that caused one of them to scream,

"My _toenails_!"

"They thought Snivelly was just talking bullshit," I said glumly. "And now – who _knows _what they think? Oh, _Merlin_, Remus – what are they gonna _think_?"

He shrugged. "Who _cares _what they think, Sirius?"

"_I_ buggering do! Now they _know _I'm a sodding _poofter_ and who knows how they'll react?" Sighing with anger and frustration, I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming on. "And – oh, fuck – _everyone else _in this school! The girls! The blokes! The fucking _teachers_! I'm _so _dead. Wait until little _Regulus _sends his weekly report to Mum and Dad – won't they just _adore _this recent turn of events! Oh, Moony – I'm _done for_."

"And what about me, Sirius? Would you care about what _I _think?"

Shooting him a confused glance, I raised an eyebrow, nearly running headlong into a short boy from Ravenclaw, who promptly shouted a rude slur my way. I ignored him and said to Remus, "No, because you're a fucking poofter, too."

He rolled his eyes and had trouble suppressing a smile. "Thanks, Padfoot. I love you, too."

I wasn't sure if Remus' statement had been in jest or if he had meant it to be sincere, but at the moment, I didn't care. I had _no _intention of attending class – at least, not this morning. "Are you going to Herbology?"

Remus shrugged. "I suppose so."

"_I'm _not."

"You should," he said.

"Bugger that, I'm going to sleep."

He sighed. "You do that then, and I'll stop by after class."

_Going to sleep, my arse_, I thought darkly. _Sunday won't just be a day to prank the school – it'll be a special day for Snivellus, too. _

--

**POV – James**

Class was about to start and neither Remus nor Sirius had shown up yet. They'd left the Great Hall in a flourish, immediately following their grand display, and I couldn't help but wonder where the bugger they'd gone. And – even more so – I couldn't help but wonder how the _hell _it was humanly possible for Sirius to be gay. I shot a sideways glance to Peter, and he seemed to be as mystified as I was. "What do you think?" I asked, and it caught him by surprise because I _never _asked him what he thought about anything.

"They're _both _poofters."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Well, that's _obvious_, Wormtail! Where d'you think they _are_?"

"Snogging," he grumbled.

"Helpful," I hissed, and ignored anything else Peter had to say. It wasn't that I _minded _the fact that both Sirius and Remus were bent, but the fact that they hadn't disclosed it to me – we were all Marauders, weren't we? Maybe neither of them had known, or maybe they were both too scared, or maybe –

At that moment, an unconcerned-looking Remus entered the greenhouses, alone, and the Slytherins with whom we shared the class started to whisper and jeer. Snape wasn't among them – I hadn't seen the git since Sirius had knocked him to the floor at breakfast – and I had wonder where the hell _he _was, too. Remus joined Peter and me, setting his books aside, and murmured, "Sirius won't be here this morning."

"He get caught?" I asked.

"No," Remus said, "he decided he didn't want to – in his words – _endure the torturous stares of his fellow witches and wizards_."

I smirked. "That's Sirius, alright – but, Remus, question here."

"I've got a feeling I know what it is."

"Good, then you should be able to give me the straight-up truth without any bullshit," I growled, still feeling somewhat betrayed that neither of them had buggering _told _me. "Look, we're your best mates – and you never – never felt it necessary to _tell _us about this?"

"Well –"

"My question is this, Remus, are you and Sirius –"

"An _item_?" Remus rolled his eyes. "No. No, of _course _not. Gay? Yes. Sirius can barely admit it to himself, and that's why he didn't tell you."

"Oh."

Remus grinned and said, "It apparently only dawned upon Sirius earlier this week."

"He's still in denial, then?"

"_Full-blown _denial," Remus said. He hesitated, then asked quietly, so that the Slytherins wouldn't hear, "But you don't care, do you?"

"About _you_ guys?" I laughed, wondering why the hell Remus would ask such a stupid thing. "Of _course _not. Like I said, we're best mates – if I don't care you're a werewolf, then I'm sure as hell not gonna care if you happen to shag blokes."

"Thanks, Prongs."

The class went relatively well, except for all the whispering and pointing going on among the Slytherin crowd. Lucius Malfoy looked especially smug about something or other, but I knew, come Sunday, Peter and I would wipe the smile off his face with our Day of Pranks. _Oh, how Malfoy will be appalled_… _It'll suit him well, though._

--

Sirius didn't show until lunch, and I was beginning to worry that with all of his skipping of classes lately, he'd find himself in some rather unpleasant trouble. Still – still, I had a hunch that most, if not all, of the teachers would hand him some kind of excuse; the wizarding community was known to be generally more accepting of… others than the Muggle world.

When he walked up to our table, Sirius didn't appear to be too fazed by what had happened earlier – in fact, he seemed to be a lot more relaxed than he'd been previously all week. He sat down next to Remus, shot the werewolf a secretive smile that I couldn't decipher, then turned to the rest of the Marauders and said plainly, "What happened at breakfast – I hope to Merlin that you guys don't care. Or else I'm _hurting_."

I laughed, and beside me, Peter chuckled, his mouth full of food. "Padfoot, we don't give a _damn _and you should know that," I said. "_Moony _knows that. I know you're smart enough to figure that out."

"Not nearly," Sirius said with a roguish grin. "Anyway – okay, that's good. I always knew you were my best mates. And here's the thing – Remus, that was a _brilliant _idea at breakfast. Now people know that Snivelly isn't just talking bullshit, and they don't really give damn about it – well, except for the stupid Slytherins, of course, but they don't really count as _people_, do they?"

I couldn't help myself, so I started to snicker. "So what you're saying, Sirius, is that Snape was right, and you _do _want to shag Moony?"

Sirius' face turned red in an embarrassed blush, and beside him, Remus chuckled quietly. But Sirius was the smoothest talker in the school – usually – and this afternoon was no exception. "I believe Remus and I will talk about my sexual urges when the appropriate time comes and we feel we are both ready –"

I howled with more laughter. "Padfoot, you are full of shit."

"Like usual," Remus agreed, and took a sip of water.

--

**POV – Sirius**

Though, really, I knew James had a point. Snivellus _was _right – all of a sudden, I _did _want to shag Remus, and I wanted to shag him senseless. _I must be making some sort of progress_, I thought, later that evening. _At least, now I can admit to myself that I find Remus _extremely _attractive. Which I probably couldn't have done earlier today._

_I suppose that's a good thing._

"We need to keep working on our Plan." Remus' voice shook me from my thoughts, and I glanced over to him from my bed.

"Yeah, I know," I said, and picked myself up from my mattress. "We need to come up with something for the Great Hall." I crossed the room and crashed down next to Remus. "Any ideas?"

"What, Sirius Black, the mastermind of all the foul business that happens at Hogwarts – at a loss for _ideas_?" Remus smirked. "As a matter of fact, Padfoot, I _do _have some ideas that we may or may not be able to incorporate into Sunday's spectacular show. What would you think if we, er – _released_ somethinginto the Great Hall?"

"Like, creatures?" I asked, becoming intrigued. "What'd you have in mind?"

He shrugged. "Nothing ordinary. I spent some time thinking about it the other day – you know, when I didn't show up and you were giving me the _silent treatment_. Something that's a complete _nuisance, _but not _too _harmful, if you know what I mean."

I sighed dramatically. "No dragons or giant spiders, then. Damn."

"I was thinking _pixies_," Remus murmured thoughtfully, the smallest and most mischievous of grins pulling at his mouth.

"Pixies! In the Great Hall, at – when, breakfast?" I gave Remus a slap on the back that nearly sent him flying off his bed. "_Brilliant_! Just _think _of all the chaos that'll ensue! Oh, Lily'll be off her rocker when she sees how fast those little buggers can tear up a room!"

"Exactly," Remus said. "I shudder to think of how loud she'll scream – but it'll be worth it. I _still _can't believe that I agreed to help you with this plan, Sirius."

"Neither can I," I admitted. "It must have been the lilac-scented soap…"

* * *

**To be continued...

* * *

A/N: **Chapter Six, in the books! Hope you enjoyed, even if not that much happened. Again, more stupidness and drama than humor, but I promise we're workin' our way toward the Big One... To tell you the truth, I can't imagine Severus calling anyone a poofter, but whatever, it makes it all the more funnier. Something tells me Snape would come up with a far more witty insult... Anyway, if you liked what you read, leave me a review, and if you didn't like what you read, tell me what I can do better. I'm hoping to hear from you! 

-mo


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Here I am, back with another speedy update. A big thank you goes out to my readers and reviewers, as usual. Right now, I'm putting the finishing touches on the last chapter of this story, and I'm pleased to report it will all be posted within a week and will total nine chapters.

**Warnings: **Oh my, there's _fluff _in this chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I own a few things, but _Harry Potter_ is definitely not one of them...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Seven

* * *

POV – James**

With the end of the week in sight, I could swear that the sky was slowly getting sunnier.

And _I _was getting more nervous. Peter and I still hadn't covered the details of our Mother of All Pranks nearly as thoroughly as we should have, and the fact was – we only had a few days left. _Less_ than a few days. Peter had come up with the idea of "sticking" all of the classroom doors shut. Though there'd be no classes on a Sunday, it was still a pretty good idea and would be prove to be a royal pain in the arse for the teachers. As a way of getting back at Snape for what he'd done to Remus and Sirius, I'd devised an ingenious (in my humble opinion) plan to make Snivelly's Sunday a living hell.

It was Friday afternoon – the time of day in November when the sun's already starting to set – and the Marauders had a block of free time before dinner. To Peter and I, it was a godsend, and we hurried off toward the library with the full intention of getting some work done on our Mother of All Pranks.

" – like a pile of dung wherever he steps? Oh, that's a _good _one, Prongs!"

"Of course it is," I said, placing a hand on my chest, "for it was _I _who came up with it." We ceased our talking as a group of Slytherin second-years walked by, and in turn they gave us horrible glares and sneers. "Speaking of which, Wormy, we've got to think up something _especially_ nice for the dungeon-dwellers."

"They've got a Quidditch practice early Sunday morning, don't they?" the shorter boy asked. "We _could _do something to the pitch, I suppose – or, even better – we could do something to their _brooms_!"

"Excellent idea!" I beamed and shook Peter's pudgy hand. "I guess we could start working on _that _prank tomorrow evening – you know, put on the Cloak and get a hold of their slimy brooms…"

"Make 'em set to crash into the ground at random intervals," Peter said. "Do the odd loop-the-loop every so often."

Peter's talent at coming up with obvious, yet hilarious pranks reminded me why he was a part of the Marauders in the first place. "Good, good – and what about the rest of the Slytherin lot? I suppose we might as well let something loose in their dormitories. Do a bunch of rogue _lawn gnomes _sound good to you?"

"We'd have to make sure they're rather… demented, first – or else all they'll do is sit there and grumble." Peter scratched his mousy hair for a moment, then added, "Although, having a disgruntled lawn gnome hexed into sitting on Snape's shoulder all day doesn't seem like such a bad idea, either."

"In fact, it's a _good _idea!" I agreed. "Now, what about the teachers? They haven't suffered a full-blown prank ever since Sirius got in trouble for making McGonagall's hair turn into a mess of piss-yellow snakes…"

"That boy always _has _been good at hair-related pranks…"

"Wormtail, I think a nice, harmless joke on the teachers is _long _overdue."

--

**POV – Sirius**

_Ah, two hours of wonderful, wonderful free time before dinner – and what does Moony spend this sacred time doing? Reading, of course, the dorky prat. _Stretched out across the sofa in the common room, with Remus sitting nearby in a large, upholstered chair holding a book in front of his face, I picked up a crumpled piece of parchment and quietly transfigured it into a toad. Well, a two-headed toad. But I hadn't meant to do that. Before the deformed amphibian had a chance to _ribbit_, I chucked it at Remus, and the thing hit him squarely in the forehead.

Looking over his book, the werewolf shot a venomous glance my way – though, really, I could see the appreciation shine in his amber eyes. "Sirius, when I finish this chapter, I am going to kill you."

"I'm looking forward to that," I said with a grin, and this only elicited a showing of the Middle Finger from Remus. Chuckling, I thought ahead to Sunday – I'd come up with an excellent prank on Snivellus, a small hex that would teach him a thing or two – and also wash his hair in the process. I glanced over to Remus again, the book still obscuring his face. _I've got to prank Moony, too_, I decided with an evil smile. _Just for the buggering hell of it. _His love of books was plainly unnatural, and this gave me just the _perfect _idea. _When you see the library on Sunday, Moony, you are going to freak. _

"I wish I could read thoughts, right about now," Remus grumbled from behind his textbook. "Because the lack of spoken drivel from you obviously indicates to me that you are plotting something unpleasant."

"Damn right I am!" I declared with a proud smile. "Oh, Merlin, the day after tomorrow will go down in the annals of Hogwarts history!"

"Annals?" Remus had lowered his book slightly and was giving me a very lewd sneer.

"Yes, Moony, _annals_. And don't give me that look, mister! That's your _own _skewed mind at work!"

"Ah, yes. I'm sure." Remus was still smirking when he picked up his book once more.

But I wasn't about to let him get away _that _easily. Quietly, I lifted myself from the couch and took a flying leap toward the other boy. In midair, I transformed into a dog, and before Remus had time to react, I landed on him, nearly knocking his chair onto its back. Almost instantly, I changed back into my normal self, straddling the amused form of the werewolf. "Hi, Moony," I said with a grin.

"Hi, Padfoot," he grumbled, a smile finally breaking through his forced frown. "You wanted to tell me something?"

"Yes!" I said, still grinning broadly. "Very much so!" And, without further hesitation, I leaned forward to kiss him.

--

That evening, none of the Marauders opted to go to dinner in the Great Hall; instead, surprisingly enough, _Lily_ made a trip to the kitchen, in the hopes of begging some food off the House Elves. Meanwhile, James and Peter snuck into Hogsmeade to pinch several bottles of Butterbeer and Firewhiskey from The Three Broomsticks. This gave Remus and me time to snog and add some details to our Grand Master Plan – at the same time. Remus was sitting on the couch, and I had my head resting on his lap, when my eyes alighted with an idea. "My motorcycle!" I said quite suddenly, taking the other boy by surprise.

"Oh, dear," Remus drawled, absently running a hand through my hair. "What are you planning on doing with _that _monstrosity?"

Looking up, my gaze met his, and I smirked. "Well, _riding _it, of course, you dumbarse."

Remus rolled his eyes. "And won't Dumbledore be absolutely _thrilled _when he sees you riding a flying motorcycle through the school."

"Somehow, I think he _would _be," I said. "And, besides – it wouldn't be _just _me. It'd be _you_, too."

"_Oh_, no. You have _got_ to be kidding me," Remus grumbled. "Me, riding _that_ infernal thing? _Pssshhht_. Yeah, right."

"Aww, is ickle _Moony-kins_ afwaid of a wittle motorcycle wide?" This earned me a flick in the forehead from Remus, and I laughed. "You'll have fun, mate. I promise. Just think – whilst wreaking havoc upon this noble school, we'll be zooming through the halls and over the grounds, to see all the chaos we've caused! It'll be perfect!"

"Uh-huh, whatever you say, Padfoot." He leaned down to kiss me, and it blew my mind to think that before today – or the night before – I would have shied away from something that felt so natural.

Unfortunately for us, at that moment, Lily, James, and Peter all walked through the portrait hole and into the room, their arms laden with food and drink. "Whoa, PDA!" James shouted sarcastically before he and Peter slammed down a dozen or so bottles of Butterbeer and Firewhiskey on a nearby table. "I'm glad _you two _have been so _productive _while we've been away. Sweet Merlin, knowing Sirius, I expected there to be _flesh _showing!"

Remus laughed, then grumbled, "Get the bugger up, Sirius – I think I could go for a bottle of Ogdens Old Firewhiskey right about now."

What, Remus _voluntarily _drinking alcohol? And _Lily_, letting us do whatever the hell we wanted? In my bewilderment, I had forgotten about the werewolf's request, and a second later, I found myself being pushed off the couch and hitting the floor rather painfully. Thank you, Moony.

--

Friday evening was a night for food fights (charmed, of course, with magic), drunken singing, and sloppy, alcohol-induced kisses. When the rest of the younger Gryffindors came back from dinner, the party had just begun, and with the newcomers, things only got better. The revelry lasted late into the night, and thanks to Lily, who had kindly put a silencing spell on the door, no teachers – or a certain disgruntled janitor – intervened.

--

**POV – Remus**

Bright sunlight streamed in from the window and hit my shut eyelids, turning a world of black into a blazing blood-red. My first thought that morning was _huh? _and it was then that I was stupid enough to open my eyes. The jarring light blinded me and suddenly made me well aware of the horrendous headache that was pounding inside my cranium. _What the bugger_…? Squinting, for my vision was still blurred, I surveyed my surroundings. I was draped over the sofa in the Gryffindor common room, where empty alcohol bottles were strewn carelessly about and other members of the Gryffindor House were lying on the floor or in chairs, in various states of Firewhiskey-related unconsciousness. Grunting a swear word, I moved to get off of the couch – then realized there was a rather heavy weight on top of me.

Sirius was out-cold and shirtless, his long hair mussed up, with an appealing trickle of drool dribbling from the side of his mouth. If I hadn't been so hungover, I would have laughed out loud – for this surely was _not _Sirius at his finest. Taking special care not to wake the boy, I managed to pry myself out from underneath him and stumbled to my feet. I was less than happy to find that I, too, was missing my shirt – but only because my scars were visible to the world, and I didn't particularly want anyone _else _to find out that I was a werewolf. Staggering about the common room for another minute or so, I finally located my (Firewhiskey-soaked) shirt and pulled it over my head, then brought myself to the window. For the first time in what felt like _weeks_, it was actually brilliantly _sunny _outside. The sky was an unmistakable blue, fringed with wispy little clouds, and a fine dusting of frost coated the brown grass.

I sighed and wished I could remember what had happened the night before. Truth was, I couldn't recall a _thing_ – only that Lily had brought the food and James had brought the alcohol… _Remus, you never could hold your liquor. _Which was really too bad, because I was dying to know what it felt like to be beneath a drunken Sirius. As if to challenge that thought, the image of the unconscious, drooling boy suddenly appeared in my head, and I smiled somewhat. _Or maybe not_…

"Nice morning, isn't it?" Sirius' calm voice nearly scared me to death. And damn it to hell if he didn't have a hangover.

"Yes, it is," I said, not turning around to face him. "For a change."

"Bad hangover, huh?" Sirius asked, walking up behind me and circling his arms around my waist. I shuddered under his contact – and I didn't try to convince myself it was because the room was so cold.

"You are correct," I said with a sigh. "And you? Feeling fine, as usual, I suppose?" I chuckled, my head still blazing with pain.

"Unfortunately for you, yes," Sirius said, and leaned forward to ghost his lips against my neck. "There certainly _are_ a lot of passed-out people in here, aren't there?"

"Yes, even _James _is still unconscious… He must have had a lot to drink."

"Much to Lily's displeasure, yes," Sirius snickered. "Hell, even _she _had a drink or two before going off to bed. Prongs got just a little bit _too _plastered for her tastes, I think."

"You remember much of what happened?" I asked, my eyes still focused on the beautiful morning outside.

"I do," Sirius said, obviously smiling. "You got pretty shitfaced, Moony."

"That's what my headache's telling me."

"You don't remember anything?"

I shook my head, leaning into the contact of Sirius' strong arms. "Never do. It's a lot like the full moon, you know – I can barely ever remember _any_thing from our monthly escapades."

"You care for an abbreviated demonstration, then?" Sirius asked. "Before everyone's _too _awake?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"I thought you might." Sirius moved his hands up and under my shirt, his fingers slowly caressing the raised skin of the scars on my waist and stomach and chest. I moaned softly when his touch reached my nipples, massaging them slightly, and then he turned me around to face him. "Two… three days ago," Sirius said, his eyes meeting mine, "I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but…" He broke off and instantly our lips locked in what was at first a chaste, innocent kiss. But Sirius deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth, one hand lifting my shirt so that our warm skin would touch, and the other moving lower down my back.

I returned the kiss, realizing how wonderful it was to have the boy of my dreams in my arms, to have him kissing me _soberly_. The pounding headache of my hangover and the stinging of my eyes seemed to fade away, and as I melted into his embrace, I knew that Sirius was the cure for all things bad: for the lovesick, for the depressed, for the one in need of a good laugh. I pulled away, inhaling slowly, and murmured, "I know, Sirius… I love you, too."

He smiled and brushed the long bangs from my eyes. "There you go, Moony – reading buggering minds again."

"Don't be stupid," I said, and placed a kiss on Sirius' cheek. "Truth is – truth is, I've fancied you for a _long _time."

The other boy blushed. "I'm almost afraid to ask – but, since _when_?"

"Maybe six weeks into our first year."

"Six weeks, Moony? Did it really take _that _long?" Sirius laughed, and kissed me again. "I feel pretty stupid for lying to myself for _six years_."

"Better late than never," I said, and tucked a long, dark strand of Sirius' hair behind his ear. I smiled mischievously and added, in a thick, scandalous whisper, "You were drooling on me this morning."

"Was I really?" Sirius asked, looking both delighted and embarrassed at the same time.

"Yup. I wish I had a camera."

"And you'd post the pictures all over the school tomorrow, no doubt?" Sirius smirked, brought me into a headlock, and ruffled up my hair so that I imagined it looked even _worse _than his.

"I'd send them to the _Daily Prophet_, more likely," I said, flicking Sirius' nose. "For your soul to be forever immortalized – as a drooling, unconscious alcoholic with mussed-up hair." I put an arm around the other boy's waist, and together, we watched the sun rise higher into the clear sky, burning away the frost that blanketed the ground.

--

**POV – James**

It was nearly noon by the time I was fully awake. _Damn Firewhiskey_… _I swear it was more potent this time around_… The worst of my hangover seemed to have passed, and while I waited for Peter to wake up, I took it upon myself to start cleaning the common room. _Might as well earn myself some points back with Evans._ I trashed the empty alcohol bottles and scraps of food left over from the party, all the while surveying the room, curious to see who was still out cold. A couple sixth- and fifth-years were lying unconscious next to the fireplace, but they were breathing, and that was good enough for me. I was sure that there were plenty of others who had retreated to their dormitories to sleep it off – though where Remus and Sirius had gone to, I wasn't certain. They had been snogging all over the sofa before I'd blacked out, though it looked as if they'd already woken and gone off somewhere _else _to snog.

Whatever, it really didn't matter. As long as they were happy. _And to think they've only been together for a day or two – practically getting more action than I have with Lily! _I allowed myself to chuckle, though, really, I wasn't jealous. Sirius was famous for moving his relationships along quickly, whereas Lily liked to take things at a slower pace. _Doesn't matter. She's my dream girl, and she's who I'll marry. _

It pleased me to see that it was _finally _sunny outside, and the good weather raised my spirits greatly. _Today is a good day for putting the finishing touches on those pranks – and tonight, we'll do something about those Slytherin broomsticks_…

--

Peter and I arrived at the Great Hall a half-hour late for lunch, but on a Saturday, it really didn't matter. Half the Gryffindor table was absent or hungover, but Sirius and Remus were in good spirits, as was Lily. "I hear that you cleaned up the common room, James," she said, a bit of a surprised smirk on her face. "If the rumors are true, then it'll make up for your shitfaced antics last night."

I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh with all the food in my mouth. "Thanks a lot, Evans." I took a swig of pumpkin juice, and shot a glance to Sirius and Remus, both of whom seemed enamored with the other and oblivious to the outside world. "Earth to the puppies," I said, and finally threw a carrot stick at Sirius.

"Bugger!"

"Same to you, Padfoot. Look, it's a nice day out there – temperature could actually be tolerable." I shrugged, and asked, "You have anything planned for today? 'Cause Wormtail and I were gonna go outside, you know – survey the grounds, get in some sort of trouble. Whatever."

Sirius glanced across the table to Remus, who nodded. "Sounds like a good idea," the werewolf said. He looked up at the ceiling of the Great Hall – it portrayed a crisp, blue sky – and seemed to study it, almost for _too _long. "Don't have anything else to do."

"_Sure _you don't," I laughed, and ignored the rude gesture that Sirius directed my way. "Beech tree, then, at one-thirty, if you'd like."

"Oh, I'd _love _it," Sirius drawled.

--

It was absolutely _beautiful _outside. Not that it wasn't cold – it was _freezing_ – but I had convinced Lily to come with us and I figured that _she _could keep me warm. Sirius would have Remus, and Peter would have – well, no one. Poor Peter. On the way outside, I told him he could always have the Giant Squid, and that had made him laugh somewhat nervously and say, "I'd rather _die _first."

When Lily and Peter and I finally made it outside, we were less than surprised to see Sirius and Remus in one another's arms, sitting on the cold, semi-frozen ground beneath the beech tree.

"You two having _fun_?" Peter grumbled, rolling his eyes as he sat down.

"It's not _my _fault Moony's so susceptible to the cold!" Sirius said, and planted another kiss on Remus' lips. "And, to answer your question, Wormtail – _yes_."

I took a seat next to Lily, and, resting my head on her shoulder, all I could think about was Sunday and how bloody _amazing _it would be. "So what're you doing tomorrow, Evans?" I asked lazily, all the while smirking and making rude faces at Remus and Sirius.

The question, as casual as it was, seemed to take Lily by surprise, and she blinked. "Oh – oh, _I _don't know. Going to the library, I suppose – _staying out of trouble_." With the way she had emphasized that last statement, I couldn't help but wonder if she was catching on to what Peter and I had planned for the following day. "And you?"

"Same," I lied, and I knew she could tell. "Sleep in… Do homework… Go to bed early." _Lies! Lies, all of them! _ "What about you guys?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of Remus and Sirius.

Remus blinked. "What was the question? I was too busy listening to all the pointless crap Padfoot has to say…"

"Hey!"

"Relax. I reckon that maybe five percent of it is worthwhile."

I laughed. "What do you two have planned for tomorrow?"

"Remus and I will be flying away to – Moony, what's that Muggle resort island?"

He rolled his eyes. "Antarctica."

"Antarctica! Yes, Remus and I will be cruising off to Antarctica to sit in the sand beneath a palm tree, watching the sun set in a sublime palette of purples and reds, drinking Firewhiskey and listening to the waves lap peacefully at the shore –"

Ah, Sirius Black – the king of making up complete bullshit on the spot and having not a _clue _of what he was talking about. "No, really," I said, rolling my eyes.

Sirius looked scandalized. "What, Prongs? You don't _believe _me?"

"Remus?" I asked.

He shrugged, and trying not to smile, murmured, "_Reading_." But the way the werewolf had said it made me think that he wasn't being totally honest with me…

I was about to ask _Peter _what he was doing tomorrow, but I realized, giving myself a mental slap to the face, that he'd be pulling off a mountain of pranks with _me_. I glanced over his way, but decided not to interrupt him from reading his comic book.

--

**POV ****– Lily**

"Have either of you seen James this evening?"

Both Sirius and Remus glanced up from their food at the same time – it was comical, really – and shook their heads in tandem. "Haven't seen 'im since this afternoon," Sirius said with a shrug. "Probably up to no good, if you ask _me_."

And that was no surprise. Both James and Peter had been missing in action since six o'clock, and it was highly uncharacteristic of them to be skipping a meal – _especially _Peter. Their absence only made me more suspicious – not worried, mind you – _suspicious_. They were up to something, this I knew already – and I wasn't really sure I wanted to know _what_. James had been laying off the pranks for much of the latter half of the week, and his good behavior was a slight cause for concern.

Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus had maintained passable conduct, as well – making my job as a prefect _way _too easy. The reason for this, of course, was the fact that they'd found love in one another – a feat seemingly _improbable_, considering I, along with the rest of the school, had been fooled for six years into thinking that Sirius was as straight as they come. On the other hand, I had always known there was something different about Remus – besides the fact he was a werewolf, of course. Not that any of it mattered at all to me – it was _far _more pleasant having the two of them snogging everywhere rather than setting the school on fire.

"You four are all up to something, aren't you?" I asked lightly, taking a bite of mashed potatoes.

Remus shrugged. "Not that I know of…"

Either he was a damn good liar, or Remus was telling the truth. He turned back to his conversation with Sirius, and I opted to stay silent, and consider tomorrow. I had perfected the necessary spells for one last prank, and it would be a dandy charm involving the Whomping Willow. Best of all, it would be harmless, and still provide plenty of laughs at the same time.

"Hey, Evans – what makes you suspect _us_?" Sirius asked suddenly, trying – and failing – to look as innocent as possible. "Moony and I have been _very _well-behaved for the past couple of days, thank you very much."

"And that's what worries me," I said with a grin. "In _my _opinion, it's like the calm in the storm – the eye of the hurricane – and after a few moments of peace, _every_thing goes to hell. If the four of you are in a plot together, you'd better tell me _right_ now…"

"There's nothing to tell," Remus said calmly, "because the four of us are not in a plot together."

I wanted to believe him, but there was this glint in the boy's eyes that warned me otherwise…

--

**POV – Sirius**

James and Peter returned later that evening, not long after we'd all come back from dinner. They shuffled into the common room, arms laden with food they'd undoubtedly taken from the house elves, looking rather happy and satisfied about _some_thing.

"And just where the bugger were _you_?" I asked from the couch, Remus' shoulder providing a rather good headrest.

James laughed and took a seat at a nearby table, at once stuffing a biscuit into his mouth. "Sneaking," he said, and uncapped a bottle of Butterbeer.

"Going to the library," Peter said, which contradicted nicely and suspiciously with James' vague explanation. "You – you know, that essay due on Monday – about, uh, unicorns –"

"You mean _centaurs_?" Remus asked, glancing up from his book.

"Yeah, them," Peter said, looking rather panicked.

"Uh-huh," I grumbled, not believing a word of it. "Right. You two are _mental_."

"Not nearly as mental as _you_," Remus murmured dryly. "If there was an award given to the student with the most mood swings in _one week_, you, Sirius Black, would definitely be the recipient."

"Thanks a lot, Remus."

"You're welcome, Sirius." He kissed my forehead, then turned his attention back to his extremely boring-looking book – _The Encyclopedia of the Equipment Used for the Transportation of Magical Creatures_. It looked horrible – _untouchable_ – and just thinking how much he would panic when he saw the library on Sunday – I had a hard time not laughing. As if Remus had heard my thoughts, he grumbled, "If you think I'm actually _reading _this, you're stupid."

"So you're just staring at the pages, Moony?"

"No. I'm _thinking_."

"That's news to me." This comment earned me a whack across the back of the head. Regaining what little was left of my dignity, I recovered and asked, "About what?"

"Tomorrow," Remus said, his voice lower than a whisper so James wouldn't hear. "The portraits will strip at approximately a quarter after nine – when everyone's at breakfast."

"We'll all lose our appetites," I said, trying not to snicker. "It'll be a vomit-fest! You're brilliant…"

"I know."

* * *

**To be continued...

* * *

A/N: **There you have it... And this means that the next chapter(s) showcase the following day... In other words, lots of laughs ensue! I hope you're having fun reading this. Drop me a review, and thanks for reading! You'll see Chapter Eight up within three or so days. 

- mo


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Well, here it is! Sunday has arrived and the Day of Pranks will ensue! Remember, there will be _one more_ chapter after this one -- you know, tying up loose ends, falling action, etc. Well, originally, it was all going to be one chapter, but then I realized how freakin' _long _it would be -- so that leaves this particular chapter with an unwarranted cliffhanger and such. I promise to have the last chapter up in a few days. So I apologize now about the length of this chapter! I'll also mention that a large portion of this chapter takes place in **third-person** **pont of view**.

**Warnings: **None. Although if you do not find yourself laughing at least once when reading this chapter (and the next), then I have failed you as an author... Oh, and there's a bit of Snape-bashing... but it's warranted, don't you think? Also, I don't know if Lucius played seeker, but you know what? I don't care. It fits for this story.

**Disclaimer: **I own none of the characters, though I wish I could own some of the pranks...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Eight

* * *

**

**POV -- Third Person**

It was another early practice for the Slytherin Quidditch team – _way too early_, Lucius Malfoy thought with a scowl, unhappy about the fact that he could see his breath crystallize in front of him. Of course, he figured, it was partially a psychological thing, considering November mornings were already quite dark to begin with. So, really, it wasn't _all _that horrendously early, if the horizon was glowing orange beyond the Forbidden Forest. _Still_, Malfoy thought grumpily, his broom on his shoulder, _a few more hours' worth of beauty sleep would be appreciated. _As soon as their eight o'clock practice was over, they'd join their comrades at the Slytherin table and eat a hearty meal and spend the rest of the day sleeping.

Or so Lucius hoped.

The grass of the Quidditch pitch was covered in a fine layer of frost, but the sun would burn that away soon enough and hopefully raise the temperature to something that was somewhat bearable. _At least it's not raining_… _Or snowing. _Lucius joined the rest of his team at the edge of the playing field, where their Keeper was already relaying his plans for the practice. Lucius couldn't have cared less; their next match was in two weeks, against Hufflepuff – a team that was absolutely _ghastly_ this season. _We could beat them blindfolded, _he thought with a half-smirk, before mounting his broom and joining the rest of his team in the chilly November sky.

The sun was edging closer and closer to the horizon, lighting the heavens to a pale blue. When it finally did rise, Lucius knew, they'd all be blinded. _Who the hell was the brilliant one who scheduled all our practices for eight in the morning! _While the rest of his team went over strategies to avoid the Bludgers, Lucius, the Seeker, went about his duty to try and find the escaped Snitch. Though it was dawn, he was still having a hard time finding the winged ball, and Lucius flew higher until the pitch was a small oval beneath him. _Maybe I can just sleep up here. _

All at once, everything happened. Lucius' broom lurched violently, bucking like a rabid horse, and he struggled to hang on. It zoomed right, then left, then did a pirouette and, much to his horror, began to descend rapidly, like a missile. Lucius swore, his knuckles white, the frozen air hitting his face as the ground rushed nearer and nearer. At that moment, the sun peeked over the horizon and – improbably – the frost-covered pitch became a blinding white. "Oh, bugger," Lucius murmured, his voice very hoarse. The ground below had turned into a sheet of ice – and he was hurdling toward it on his haywire broom, his altitude one-hundred feet and falling.

Meanwhile, the rest of his team was experiencing similar difficulties – though Lucius was pretty sure that none of _them _had their lives flashing before their eyes. When the ground was only three feet away – and the thought of _I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die _was resounding nonstop through Lucius' head – his broom veered just in time, rushing him along parallel to the ice, his feet scraping against its frozen surface. In front of him, a hockey net materialized out of nowhere, and Lucius realized, with suspended horror, that he was heading straight for it.

Thirty yards away, Lily Evans hid behind the trunk of a tree, a look of amusement and terror playing out across her face. _I did _not _bewitch their brooms! _she thought, close to panicking. _Who could have – unless, of course, Malfoy just messed up_… But, from the looks of it, no one was hurt – yet – and Lily decided that hexed brooms or not, the display was one of the funniest things she'd witnessed in a _long _time.

--

Severus Snape woke up at eight-thirty in the morning with the sensation of water falling on his face. _Damn Malfoy and his infantile tricks again_, he thought without opening his eyes. "Lucius, I will kill you," Snape grumbled, but there was no reply, and he realized, suddenly, that it _couldn't _be Lucius because he was at a Quidditch practice. _Then who_…Severus' eyes flew open – and he was immediately blinded by what _had _to be rain. Indoors. In the dungeons. A moment of confusion ensued, in which Severus flung himself from his bed, thinking that perhaps someone had charmed a showerhead into turning itself on above him. He hit the floor, climbed to his feet, and still – he was being _rained _on. Grumbling a series of curse words, Snape rummaged under Lucius' bed and quickly found a mirror (_Malfoy's such a vain wanker_, he thought). Severus held it out in front of him, and was more than slightly displeased to see that in his reflection, a tiny storm cloud had seemingly fixed itself a foot above his head. A storm cloud that was _pouring _rain.

"Potter, I will kill you."

Seconds later, several dungbombs blew up in rapid succession, and in the common room, Severus could hear the popping and whizzing of large fireworks.

"Oh, hell."

--

It was a quarter to nine when Sirius and Remus started their journey from the Gryffindor common room to the Great Hall. They'd already heard about what had happened to the Slytherin Quidditch team – and neither of them knew quite what to think.

"_I _didn't do it," Sirius said.

"And neither did I," Remus grumbled. "James, maybe?"

"Him, _deface_ a Quidditch pitch? Moony, I don't even think _Prongs _would go that far."

"You're right – that _is _pretty odd…"

"But funny as hell!" Sirius barked, laughing loudly. "I only wish I'd been there to see it." He and Remus weren't far from the Great Hall when suddenly, something fluttered in the distance, down the corridor – heading straight toward them. Sirius tried to stifle a snicker – his prank on Remus was _in process_. The object came closer and closer until it became obvious that it was a book, its cover and pages acting like wings.

"Oh, _no_," Remus hissed, becoming very pale. The book flapped past him, and was soon followed by many more – a _flock _of dusty library books, fluttering through the hall, leaving a trail of pages behind. Other students watched the spectacle, pointing and laughing and shouting about the Marauders being back in business. Remus shot a glance to the boy beside him – Sirius was turning red, the result of holding in his laughter for far too long. "You _did not_!" Remus shouted, both annoyed and secretly amused.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, guffawing as a whole new flock of fluttering books passed by, swarming like a cloud of gnats. "I did!"

Remus found himself laughing, tears of mirth streaming from his eyes. "Oh, Sirius, you _idiot_! Madam Pince is going to _kill _you!"

"I honestly thought _you _would!"

"I'll help her finish the job," the werewolf said with a smirk. As flying books continued to fill the hallways, Sirius and Remus soon found themselves at the threshold of the Great Hall, where complete pandemonium had erupted. "What the bugger –" But Remus said nothing more, and neither did Sirius – both boys were at a loss for words when they laid their eyes upon the utter chaos that had ensued.

The floor of the Great Hall – normally a beautiful, polished marble – had turned itself into a sprawling field of ankle-deep mud. Students gingerly stepped through the mess, cringing at the squelching sound it made beneath their feet, many of them throwing glares toward the two boys. "I didn't do it," Sirius said quickly, perplexed and howling with laughter at the same time.

"Neither did – oh, bloody hell! The _pixies_!" At precisely that moment, several dozen points of pale-blue light appeared in the Great Hall, and immediately the pixies began a vicious mud fight. Sirius and Remus, both shaking with laughter, waded through the thick, squishy mud toward the Gryffindor table, where members of their house were ducking every few seconds to avoid clods of dirt headed their way. Frank Longbottom had already been pasted numerous times, and yet there he was, laughing his arse off, no longer attempting to eat his breakfast.

Lily sat nearby, appearing to be very satisfied about _some_thing, and Remus decided he didn't want to ask – because James and Peter had just shown up, looking like they were close to fainting from laughing so much. "Okay," James wheezed, narrowly avoiding a ball of mud that had been thrown his way, "who the _hell _put the mud in here and let the pixies loose?"

Sirius paled considerably. "You mean – _you _didn't do the mud?"

"No!" James said, snickering uncontrollably. "And _you _didn't?"

"We did the pixies," Remus said. "And that's _all_."

All eyes at that end of the table turned toward Lily. "_What_?" she said, a mock expression of innocence on her face. "You think _I'd _do this?" A second later, a clump of mud hit her squarely in the back. The Marauders erupted into another volley of roaring laugher, and finally, Lily conceded. "_Yes. _I did the mud!"

"Congratulations, Evans!" Sirius bellowed. "Never knew you had it in you!"

"And you should be _ashamed _of setting all the pixies loose!" she said to Remus. "I thought you didn't _do _that kind of thing!"

"Think again!" Remus said, then froze when he glanced up to the bewitched ceiling of the Great Hall, squinting through all the mud that was flying through the air. "Oh – oh, _Merlin_!" Above them all, the ceiling – which had originally shown a vast expanse of clear, blue sky – now portrayed a sickening array of rainbows and hearts and stars, with stylized unicorns prancing through it all. At the center of the colorful display were crudely conjured stick figures labeled _Snivellus_ and _Lucius_, holding hands and skipping happily amongst the stars and rainbows.

James snorted with laughter, finally falling off the bench and landing in the squelchy mud with a liquidy _splat_. "Oh, it's perfect!" he gasped through uncontrollable giggles. "Wormtail, they look excellent!"

"You think so?" Peter said, narrowly dodging a ball of mud. "I think Snape's hair needs to look greasier."

"No need for that!" Sirius laughed. "You guys haven't _seen _him yet today!"

"Oh – oh, geez, Sirius – don't tell me _you _guys are pulling off a _mountain _of pranks today, too," James said, still lying on his back in the mud. His face was caked with the stuff – as was _everyone _else's – but he didn't seem to care one bit.

Remus grinned. "We are. You too?"

"Yeah," said Peter, "and there are many more to come."

"You guys are so _childish_!" Lily said, trying unsuccessfully to look upset. In reality, she was grinning broadly, ear-to-ear.

"You!" Sirius said. "You're the one who did the ice!" A moment later, a ball of mud hit him in the back of the head, and he shrieked. "Okay, _which _buggering pixie did that?"

"The blue-ish one," Peter said.

"Thank you, Wormtail."

--

Minerva McGonagall was _livid. _She made her way to the High Table in the Great Hall, wading through the mess on the floor and narrowly ducking and dodging clumps of mud that were flung her way. All havoc had broken loose, and she knew_ exactly _who the perpetrators were. She took a seat at the table, preparing to pour herself a cup of tea, when the porcelain plate in front of her chirped, "My, my, Professor McGonagall – you're looking very nice today."

Next to her, Professor Slughorn sat down, and his teacup grumbled, "Better lay off the jelly-filled doughnuts today, Sluggy."

She heard Professor Binns' silverware murmur, "Quit taking preservatives and let yourself die already."

McGonagall turned back to her plate, a smug half-smile pulling at her lips, and she whispered, "Tell me more."

Perhaps the Marauders weren't so bad after all…

--

By the time the owls, laden with mail, streamed into the Great Hall, every inch of the room was covered in mud, and the pixies, tired of dirt, had decided to take to throwing food and silverware. The Filibuster's fireworks that had been set off in the Slytherin common room had found their way into the Great Hall, too, still spewing colorful sparks, and the library books had arrived, as well, flying like geese in V-shaped flocks.

Four owls, each carrying a bright red envelope, landed at the Gryffindor table, each envelope addressed to a Marauder. Remus groaned. "Oh, bugger – Lily, did you send us all _Howlers_?"

She smirked. An instant later, all four letters were screaming at each of the four boys, the magnified words overlapping and creating a horrible cacophony of sound. "JAMES POTTER! HOW DARE YOU, THE _HEAD BOY_, RUN AROUND THE SCHOOL NAKED UNDER THAT INVISIBILITY CLOAK! SIRIUS BLACK! HOW COULD YOU EVEN _THINK _OF TURNING PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE'S DESK INTO A MOLDY URINAL? PETER PETTEGREW! NEVER LET ME CATCH YOU READING PORNOGRAPHIC MAGAZINES AGAIN! REMUS LUPIN! HOW COULD YOU, A _PREFECT_, LET YOURSELF TEAM UP WITH THESE HORRIBLE BOYS?" And the garishly loud shrieking of Lily's voice continued, until the envelopes ignited into small puffs of flame and everyone in the Great Hall was overwhelmed with laughter.

One last owl swooped in, was pasted with a lump of scrambled eggs, and headed, looking somewhat disoriented, straight for Sirius. He beamed and everyone cringed when they saw yet _another _red envelope. He opened it, and immediately ten thousand amps of sound erupted from the Howler – it was Muggle music– _rock 'n roll _music. "_Accio motorbike!_" Sirius shouted over the guitar riffs, and a minute later came the rumbling of a distant engine. The Steppenwolf number was in full blast ("_WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME, LITTLE GIRL, ON A MAGIC CARPET RIDE!"_) when the motorcycle squealed into the Great Hall, its tires sending up splashes of mud. "Come on, Moony!" Sirius climbed onto the vehicle, revved its engine, and Remus scooted on behind him, grabbing the other boy's waist uncertainly. "Just hold on!" Sirius yelled. "You're not gonna die!" In the blink of an eye, the motorbike had sped away, spraying mud everywhere before taking off into the air, with Sirius' howling laughter audible over the resounding rock music.

James and Peter were beside themselves with laughter, both of them covered not only in mud, but bits of pancake and scrambled eggs, as well.

--

It was past nine-thirty when Albus Dumbledore climbed out of bed at last. _Sunday mornings were made for sleeping in_, he figured with a smile, and immediately started to brew a kettle of tea, its pleasant aroma filling his office. Though this morning was different – Dumbledore hadn't _wanted _to wake up, not after he'd heard rumors that Hogwarts would be laid to waste by a special day of hijinks, thanks to the Marauders' mastery of Entertainingly Annoying Magic. Not that Dumbledore didn't appreciate the boys' pranks: he, alone, enjoyed them very much, probably more than any other staff member at the school. But pranks on a _Sunday_? _Pranks are supposed to disrupt classes, not leisure time_. Dumbledore chuckled and poured himself a cup of tea, taking a moment to glance up at the portraits that decorated his wall.

Though something wasn't right, because Salazar Slytherin was hiding behind the green, velvet chair in his picture frame, his head – and bare shoulders – visible.

"Is something the matter, Salazar?" Dumbledore asked, his light-blue eyes twinkling.

"I'll tell you what's wrong, Albus!" the portrait hissed. "Those awful Gryffindor boys have cursed us _all _into being buck-naked for the day!"

"Have they, now?" Dumbledore's grin grew wider, and his gaze flashed to the other portraits hanging in his office. Sure enough, Helga Hufflepuff had wrapped a curtain around herself, Godric Gryffindor had _left _his portrait entirely (Dumbledore wasn't sure he wanted to know _where _the founder had gone), and Rowena Ravenclaw, still convinced she was as fair as she'd been when she was young, was lounging on the couch in her painting, very much nude. Dumbledore cringed. "Well, Salazar, it seems you are right – er, _all _the portraits, you say?"

"Yes, Headmaster – _all _of them. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin spared _no one_."

Dumbledore tried to avert his eyes from the portrait of Phineas Nigellus. "Yes – I see they have created quite some havoc, haven't they?" He smiled, took a sip of tea, and said pleasantly, "When I am done here, I'll see to it that they investigate this most recent and, ah, _unfortunate _series of events."

--

As if being followed by his own personal rain cloud wasn't enough, Severus Snape quickly discovered that the Marauders' work was far from being finished. He was glad that he'd avoided breakfast at the Great Hall – all the talk in the chaotic Hogwarts corridors had to do with a floor made of mud and pixies throwing food and forks, and flocks of books flying like birds… Potter and his gang were at it again. At ten-thirty, though, things went sour for Severus when he realized that when he walked, there was an unshakable sound of squelching mud – or worse – wherever he stepped. Obviously, it was another hex, and Snape figured that it would be easy to ignore. But after ten minutes of walking through the halls – where the pandemonium was so severe that fellow students didn't notice his personal rain cloud – Severus realized he could take the squishing sound no more. _I am going to kill Potter and Black. _

He was soaked, as the storm above his head would not let up, and the cloud followed him wherever he went, like a cartoon's speech bubble. The squelchy sound underfoot was making Snape go crazy.

Then, with a sudden _pop_, a garden gnome materialized out of thin air and sat itself on Severus' shoulder.

"What the bugger –" Snape thrashed his arm, then tried to push the potato-sized being off, but the gnome wouldn't budge. It, too, was getting soaked from the rain cloud, and it began to grunt and snort a series of complaints – sounds that were none too pleasing to the ear. Severus sighed miserably and grumpily and continued walking down the hall, a storm cloud above his head, a squishy noise beneath his feet, and a disgruntled lawn gnome planted on his shoulder. At this point, Snape wanted very much to inflict some sort of damage on _somebody_.

--

**POV – Remus**

Sirius' motorbike hurdled through the hallways of Hogwarts – sometimes flying, sometimes tearing along the marble floors and leaving behind tire marks that Argus Filch was _sure _to complain about. The whole time, the boy sitting in front of me howled with laughter, _more _than ecstatic about the havoc that was laying waste to the innards of the school. I held onto Sirius' hips tightly, not in the least wanting to be thrown from the motorcycle. The throngs of students and teachers who crowded the corridors whizzed by us in a blur, and from the looks of it – as a great deal of color had suddenly erupted from within the masses – Phase One of our hair prank had gone into effect.

"Moony, just look at all the pink and blue and green!" Sirius yelled gleefully over the din of general dissent and horror that was radiating from our fellow students. I imagined I wouldn't be so keen if I found I'd suddenly sprouted a bright pink afro, either. "Phase Two'll happen in an hour, if I remember correctly!"

"Forty-five minutes, actually," I shouted into his ear. "Won't _they _be pleased."

Sirius – who was actually quite a good driver and amazingly less reckless than I thought he might be – took a hard right and sent the motorcycle flying down a wide staircase, its tires only inches above the delicate marble steps. I was so disoriented that I had not the foggiest idea of _where _we were within Hogwarts, but it didn't really matter – we were both having the time of our lives. Careening down a noisy hallway, I didn't have to look twice to see that old Professor Slughorn – eager to hide from the messy chaos – couldn't pry open a classroom door. "Must be Prongs' work!" Sirius shouted over the engine's roar. "Damn good magic if _Sluggy _can't solve it!"

And so we tore along through the castle, until someone caught Sirius' eye and he brought his bike to a halt on the floor, its engine still emitting a low rumble.

It was Severus Snape, looking quite miserable and none too happy at all about his current situation. I was delighted to see that Sirius' rain cloud hex was performing perfectly, though why a lawn gnome had seemingly attached itself to Snape's shoulder – and why every time he stepped, his shoes produced a farting sound – were beyond me. _James and Peter again_, I thought with a smirk. _Merlin, are they good_. In front of me, Sirius was dying of laughter, and I was somewhat afraid he'd accidentally send his motorcycle into an overzealous reverse.

"Black!" Snape snarled, pointing our way, his soaking hair lank and plastered to his forehead, and the little cloud above him still pouring its perpetual gray rain. The gnome on his shoulder grumbled something about talking too loud, and then proceeded to kick Snape's arm. "Black, I will have you _killed _for this!"

"Who's your new – I mean – _only_ friend, there, Snivelly?" Sirius asked with a chortle.

"BLACK!"

But the boy sitting in front of me didn't give Snape time to withdraw his wand; in an instant, Sirius had revved the motorcycle's engine and kicked off, sending us zooming down the hall in the opposite direction. The passages were even more congested now, making navigation somewhat tricky; in all of the craziness, it seemed, people had only _just _realized that the portraits hanging on the walls were stark naked. Crowds had formed around them, pointing and laughing; poor Sir Cadogan was forced to carry his sword in a strategically-placed manner.

Rogue Filibuster's fireworks still rocketed their way through the halls, bouncing off granite columns and slate flagstones and causing a loud, echoing ruckus, second only to the Howlers that had been opened earlier that morning. By now, I'd grown accustomed to the wild motorcycle ride, and feeling less nervous, I let my chin rest on Sirius' shoulder – something he seemed to appreciate very much. "Shall we go outside?" I asked, still having to shout over the din of the engine. "It's a beautiful day."

"Good call, Remus," Sirius said, and brought the motorbike galloping down another flight of stairs – something that proved to be very bumpy and jarring. "Sorry about that," he said, as the vehicle squealed across the floor, heading toward the great oak doors that would take us outside. It looked as if Sirius had no intention of slowing down, and as we flew faster and faster toward the shut doors, their ornate surfaces rushing nearer and nearer, I realized we weren't going to stop. Just in time, I shouted some sort of incantation and as they crashed open, we shot through like a bullet, immediately immersed in the sunlight.

The air was cold and biting, and certainly flying through it at a breakneck speed wasn't helping at all. I ducked behind Sirius to try and avoid the chill, but after he put a bit of distance between us and the school, he gradually brought his bike to a halt, then dismounted. "Will you look at that, Remus – it's absolutely _beautiful_." Sirius was turned toward the castle, his arms crossed over his chest (either in an act of defiance or in an attempt to keep warm), a broad smile stretching across his face. "Hogwarts'll never see another day like this again."

My heart still pounding wildly in my chest, I slid off the motorcycle and joined Sirius, snaking an arm around his waist to pull him closer. What he said was true: the scene before us was _quite _the sight to behold. The bewitched library books, being chased closely by sparking fireworks, zipped in and out of windows and doors. Some circled the school, trailed by points of electric blue that had to be pixies, and also by the occasional owl that wanted to get in on the fun. Meanwhile, hundreds of students had emptied the castle, running with laughter through the grounds, their hair fashioned in eclectic styles and colors. And even when, a few minutes later, mushrooms and horns and feathers had sprung from their heads, no one seemed to be angry – they were too busy pointing at one another and snickering their arses off.

"This is amazing," I said. "Absolutely – buggering – _amazing_."

"You know, it wouldn't be as amazing as it is if Lily and James and Peter hadn't played some pranks of their own, too," Sirius murmured thoughtfully. "Amazing that it all had to fall on the same day – well, at least we know we'll all receive our detentions at the same time."

I blinked – the thought of punishment hadn't even occurred to me, which was something I found _extremely _strange. Even stranger was the fact I couldn't have cared less. "Oh, well – it's our last year, you know," I said, and for some reason, this statement seemed to take Sirius by surprise. "Might as well enjoy it while it lasts, huh? Start it off with some flying colors."

"Oh, yes – for sure," Sirius agreed with a smile, then kissed me. "And something tells me there's still more to come, too – why don't we take a little tour of the grounds, shall we, and see what Lily did to the Quidditch pitch – I hear it's superb."

--

**POV -- Third Person**

Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall strode side-by-side down the crammed Hogwarts halls, surveying the damage and the pranks that were in the process of being executed. It was a Sunday morning like none other they'd seen: the student body, instead of lazing around in their common rooms and dormitories all day, were out and about, tearing through the corridors with their new, temporary hairstyles, throwing mud and directing harmless spells at one another and seemingly having a ball of a time. Dumbledore was surprised to find that McGonagall didn't seem too perturbed by the whole fiasco; in fact, he could _swear _that there was a smile pulling at her pursed lips.

"Good at magic, those four are," Dumbledore said with a hearty chuckle. "And _creative_, too."

"Argus will have nightmares for years to come," McGonagall said, though the idea didn't seem to bother her. "Speaking of which – I haven't seen him all morning."

"He might have barricaded himself in his office, I imagine," Dumbledore suggested. "If so – smart plan."

McGonagall ducked as a flying tome sailed over her head. "Although I can't say I'm too happy about what they've done to all the library books."

Dumbledore smiled. "Just imagine how _Madam Pince _feels, Minerva! Of course, it's nothing a little spell or two can't put to rest –"

"So why don't you –?"

She was met by another pleasant smile. "Oh, I thought we might just like to enjoy the day a little more. It's harmless, really. A grand _scourgify _should clean up the Great Hall quite nicely, I think."

McGonagall rolled her eyes behind her rectangular-framed glasses. "Mud, _honestly_. Who in their right mind would think up such a ghastly prank?"

At that moment, Lily Evans (who had sprouted a pair of bat wings from her red hair) dashed past the two professors, followed closely by James Potter and, at a further distance, Peter Pettegrew. Dumbledore let them go, and murmured thoughtfully, "There go _two _of our perpetrators – although I'd say our Head Girl looks like she's enjoying this affair a bit _too _much."

McGonagall gaped. "Evans, playing _pranks_? Albus, you're off your rocker."

He grinned and ignored her complaint. "Now I just wonder where the _other _two boys are."

"Tearing around on that awful motorcycle, I imagine," she said. "Or doing something else we're not supposed to know about."

Dumbledore shot an amused glance her way, but said nothing as they continued to stroll down the lively hallway.

--

**POV – James**

"_Bat wings_?" Lily shouted. She patted the top of her head, and sure enough, there they were, fluttering relentlessly as if they were trying to make her lift off the ground. "James, I'm going to _kill _you!"

I was too busy laughing like a madman to take her threat seriously. "Oh, Lily, you should _see _them! They're perfect! And I swear to _Merlin _that it _wasn't me_!"

She flicked her green eyes to Peter, but he waved his hands frantically, trying to show his innocence. "Wasn't me, either!" he squeaked, not wanting to face Lily's wrath. Peter, too, was having a hard time keeping a straight face. "You know I could _never_ make _bat wings _look so realistically _hairy_!"

At this, Lily shrieked, and tore off down the hall – though I could tell she, too, was laughing. I turned to Peter. "Padfoot and Moony, I'll bet."

"Oh, for sure," Peter agreed with a snicker. "Sirius and his hair pranks."

"You know who we _haven't _seen? Snivelly. And Sirius said _he'd _played a prank on him, too." I pulled out the Marauders Map and as the ink magically spread over the parchment's worn surface, I looked for the dot that represented Snape. "Oh, _that's _interesting, Wormtail – Snivellus is lurking around near the library. There must be something foul afoot in the Slytherin common room."

"Yeah, because the rest of the gnomes don't come in until later –"

"I have a feeling that those Filibuster's fireworks were set off in the Slytherin dungeons," I said with a smirk. "Good ol' Sirius. Let's go have a look for Snape, shall we?" As we raced through the chaotic hallways, where groups of students were gawking at the nude portraits (a rather sick joke, I thought, although Sirius had always wanted to pull that prank off), I realized it was a wonder that none of us had been caught yet. Lily and Peter and I had already ran past McGonagall and Dumbledore, and neither of them had given us a second glance. I had a feeling they were secretly delighted with the situation. Meanwhile, it had to be past noon, and no bell signaling the start of lunch had rung – I doubted that it would if the Great Hall was still in the muddy state we'd left it in. No matter, though – overcome with joy and excitement, I really wasn't all that hungry. Seeing the naked portraits of all the famous, old witches and wizards hadn't helped, either.

We continued on down a staircase, unsurprised to find that the marble steps were slippery and streaked with mud tracked everywhere from breakfast. Standing at the bottom of the stairs was the solitary form of Snape, glaring black daggers at Peter and me. I skidded to a halt, having to grab the oak banister to avoid stumbling off the steps; a few stairs up, Peter, wheezing and huffing, nearly collided with me.

Snape was cross and looking _extremely _livid, but I couldn't help myself from laughing: the miniature storm cloud that floated above his head, showering his hair with rain, was absolutely _brilliant. Padfoot_, I thought, _you are a buggering genius_. I was pleased to find that the gnome was still on Snape's shoulder, looking more disgruntled than ever, and it had somehow conjured a yellow, doll-sized umbrella to hold over its lumpy head.

"I suppose you think this is outrageously funny," Snape said coolly, his face dripping with rainwater.

There was no denying that, but I wasn't about to piss him off any more than need be. "At least you don't have bright-green dreadlocks and horns like the rest of the Slytherin house does," I said.

"Oh, yes," Snape drawled sarcastically, "that is indeed an added bonus."

"The rain cloud is Sirius'," Peter said from beside me. "Serves you right for what you did to him and Remus, you lousy git!"

Snape, obviously not amused, frowned and said dryly, "I thought that's what the _gnome_ and the childish sound effects were for. Potter, it's a wonder how you four can be so oblivious to one another, enough to all plan stupid jokes on the same morning without even know –" Snape froze, mid-sentence, when he realized that an oversized Blast-Ended Skrewt was bearing down on him. With a strangled cry, he ran, rain cloud, squishy noise, gnome, and all.

As the monster and Snape disappeared around the corner, Peter gawked. "Where the bloody hell did _that _come from?"

I had trouble not falling down the stairs with laughter. "Remember – remember a few nights ago, when I transfigured a platter on the Slytherin table into a Skrewt?" I let myself breathe; with all the snickering going on, I was starting to feel light-headed. "That – that must be the same one, Wormtail!"

"Must have escaped from Hagrid's hut," Peter said. "Well, great – now we've got an unpleasant creature scuttling around the school!"

"It'll give Snivelly good company," I said, finally steadying myself, tears of mirth streaking my face. "Let's go find Lily. I'll bet she's outside."

"Hopefully, with those wings, she hasn't flown away."

--

**POV – Sirius**

Our tour about the school grounds proved to be more than worthwhile: the Quidditch field had been _extraordinary_, especially since Lily had made it so the ice wouldn't melt. We had passed by Malfoy – and he looked _none _too happy at all with his lime-green dreadlocks. Even the Centaurs, reclusive and mysterious denizens of the Forbidden Forest, had emerged into the sunlight, to see what all the fuss was about. ("Our pranks are so huge, they've probably knocked the planets off course!" Remus had said.)

We took one last loop of the school, skirting past the lake (the Giant Squid had been transfigured into a dog-paddling sasquatch, but I had no idea who was responsible for _that _one) and the Whomping Willow. "Ah, good memories, eh, Moony?" I asked as the now-calm tree came into sight.

"For _you_, maybe," Remus said from behind me. "I never can remember all that much. Maybe that's a good thing, too – after next week's full moon, James'll probably be telling me that a certain black dog was trying to shag –"

"What!" I laughed nervously. "No _way_, Moony. I'd _never_ –"

"I can tell you're smiling!"

I hesitated, and it sounded like the other boy wasn't all that upset by the idea. In fact, he almost seemed _fond _of it. "It _would _be convenient, wouldn't it?"

"Mmm. _Very _convenient." Behind me, Remus chuckled, then, "Bloody hell, what've they _done _to the tree?"

I stared at the branches of the Whomping Willow, laden with tinsel and glass orbs and garlands that sparkled in the sunlight. "It's decked out for Christmas! And a month-and-a-half early, I might add."

Remus gawked. "Too girly. That's Lily's work."

"The poor tree…" I grumbled, and we sped off again, heading for the school. "It's two o'clock, Moony – suppose we should go in, huh? Accept our fate?"

"I suppose so."

I brought the motorcycle sailing through the sky, landed it several feet from the great oak doors of the castle, and climbed off. "I hope you enjoyed the ride, Remus."

"Oh, believe me, I did," he said as he slid off the leather seat. "It was very fun."

I walked over to the bike, running a hand over its chrome handlebars, and murmured, "Go home." An instant later, it launched itself into the clear, blue sky, the rumble of its engine gradually fading away.

Remus had his arms crossed over his chest. "And just _where _might 'home' be? _Certainly _not Grimmauld Place –"

"Bugger, no!" I said with a laugh. "Can you imagine my mum's ugly face if _that _thing turned up at her door? No – no, its home is in Hogsmeade – they've got storage sheds, you know."

"No, I didn't –"

I put an arm around Remus' shoulders as we walked through the still-ajar doors of the castle. "You do now – look, everything's just as we've left it." Students were running amok in the halls, robes still dirty with mud, hair still fashioned in outlandish styles and colors. The books, it seemed, had finally been herded back into the library – on Madam Pince's orders, I imagined. But the fireworks were still spitting out sparks as they whizzed through the corridors, and the pixies were still causing trouble.

"Oh, Sirius – all the portraits! It's awful."

"It's funny as hell!" I said with a laugh. "Embarrassing for them, I'm sure. But come on – the Gryffindor common room should be okay. Unless James did something incredibly stupid, it's one of the few safe havens left in the school."

Of course, there was the problem of the Fat Lady, and she made that clear right away when we finally reached her. "You awful boys!" she shouted, trying unsuccessfully to hide her large chest behind a fan. "You horrible, awful, _disgusting _boys!"

I tried to keep a straight face – and it wasn't working. "Er – well, might I ask, uh – why haven't you _left _if, you know –"

"Because people need _letting in_, of course!" the Fat Lady declared madly. "To escape from this utter _chaos _you've set loose!"

"Oh," I said simply.

"But don't think I'll be letting _you _two in!" She huffed madly and glared at us.

Remus stepped forward. "Say we strike a deal with you?" he asked somewhat hesitantly.

"I'm listening," she said, still looking as livid and embarrassed as ever.

"Sirius – _obviously _– came up with this spell. Say he – gives you an _advantage_? You know, over all the _other _portraits? The only clothed one, perhaps?" Remus shot a glance my way, and I nodded viciously. "See? He'll do it – and you, fully clothed, can laugh your arse off at all the other portraits and everyone else in the school."

The Fat Lady considered it, then said, "Oh, all right, then – but I still won't forgive you!"

"But you'll let us in, of course?" Remus asked.

She smiled pleasantly. "Yes."

It hadn't taken _nearly _the amount of haggling I'd expected it to, and in no time, the Fat Lady had her frilly, pink dress back, and Remus and I were climbing through the portrait hole and into the common room. There were several other Gryffindors inside, and I couldn't believe that a group of first- and second-years were actually _working _on their assignments. "What's _wrong _with you guys?" I asked as we plodded through the room. "Doing _schoolwork _when you could see Severus Snape's own personal rain cloud? You're all mental."

Unsurprisingly, Lily was there, too. "Some of us have actually remembered we've got _classes _tomorrow." From the looks of it, she had finally managed to rid herself of the batwing hex, which was really too bad, because I hadn't gotten the chance to see it. Lily dropped her voice, though, and added slyly, "The school's a mess, isn't it? It's _wonderful_."

"Hearing you say that brings a tear to my eye, Evans," I murmured. "Did you like the bat wings?"

"Not really," she drawled. "Did you like the Whomping Willow?"

"I felt sorry for it," Remus said. "Surely you'll make that horrible Christmas stuff disappear so no one has to pick it all off _by hand_."

"Don't worry," she said. "Have either of you seen James and Peter lately?"

I shook my head. "Not since – since breakfast? I don't know, it's been a long day. They're probably searching for _you_." We started off in the direction of the stairs leading up to the dormitories.

"And where are _you _going?"

"None of your business," I smirked, and stuck out my tongue.

* * *

**To be continued...

* * *

A/N: **Really hope you liked this chapter (I had _so _much fun writing it). And I'll apologize again for its length! It wasn't until a few days after I wrote the motorcycle part did I realize I was getting flashes of Final Fantasy VII through my head -- and if you don't know what I'm talking about, all the better... Anyway, keep tuned for the final chapter (I'll probably post it on Sunday or Monday). Thanks for reading, and please do leave a review! 

- mo


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **And here you are, the final chapter of the story! It could kind of work as an epilogue, but whatever -- much shorter than the previous several installments.

**Warnings: **None, really.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters from _Harry Potter. _I'm still in the process of re-reading the books.

That said, enjoy this last chapter!

**Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Nine**

**POV – James**

"I can't believe what they did to the _Giant Squid_," Peter murmured as we passed by the lake. "Just look at it…"

I stared at the oversized ape that was having trouble treading the icy water. "That's just _weird_. Who in their _right mind _would transfigure a _squid _into a _sasquatch_?" I paused to think, then an instant later, grumbled, "Lily."

"Lily?"

"Yeah, she'd do something dumb like that – sure, it's kind of funny, but it really isn't all that entertaining, and it _certainly _doesn't cause any significant disruptions. I don't think she's _quite _mastered the concept of _pranking_."

Peter shrugged, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. "Oh, I don't know, James – the thing she did with the Great Hall was pretty damn good."

I heaved a sigh, and watched the puff of vapor appear in front of my face. "Okay – okay, I'll give you that. The mud was pretty amazing. But if Padfoot and Moony hadn't done the pixies, then all it would have been was _mud_."

"True. And that's why we're the _Marauders_!" Peter said with an air of theatrical bravado. "With our pranks combined, _every_thing goes to hell!"

"Speaking of being the Marauders and taking it as a team – look." I pointed ahead to the towering oak doors of the castle – where Professor McGonagall stood, her arms crossed, a strange smile twisting at her lips. "Oh, bugger – never thought of the _punishment _we'd be getting, eh, Wormy?"

"Never."

Both of us were frozen in our tracks, but she was striding toward us, and I knew, with a gulp, that she was bringing forth our allotted doom. "Er – good day, Professor McGonagall."

"Good day, Potter, Pettegrew," she said briskly, giving us both an icy glare over her small glasses. I couldn't help but notice that she looked oddly amused. "Quite the day it's been, has it not?"

"Oh – oh, yes, ma'am," I said, trying to keep a straight face while squinting into the afternoon sun. "A very – er – eventful day, indeed."

"And have you any idea where your other two compatriots are?"

"But what about Li—" Before he could inflict any more damage, I elbowed Peter in the ribs to shut him up.

"I – well, I may have _some _idea, but –" I shrugged.

"Potter, if you lead me to Mister Black and Mister Lupin right now, I'll think about giving you each only one million hours of detention instead of _two _million." She still wore that very odd smile.

"Er – okay – did the Great Hall clean up alright?"

McGonagall smirked. "Yes, eventually… Professor Dumbledore was quite amused with the filth, and only just had it removed it a few moments ago – with much harassment from Mr. Filch, as you can well imagine…"

I let myself smile. Argus Filch was probably on the verge of killing any Hogwarts student he could get his hands on. "Okay – okay, alright, let's go find Sirius and Remus. Er – you'll still let us play Quidditch, I'm hoping?"

"I'll have to speak with Professor Dumbledore, concerning _that_," she admitted, as the three of us entered the school – where things seemed to have calmed down, at least somewhat. Everyone's hair was back to normal, the pixies had disappeared, and, from the looks of it, the Blast-Ended Skrewt had been captured. "But I'll plead the case in your favor, for sure, Potter."

As strict as she was, I was one of the few students who actually _admired _Professor McGonagall – _especially _since she favored her Gryffindor Quidditch players. "Okay, I think I might have an idea where those other two _troublemakers _are…"

--

After climbing through the portrait hole (the Fat Lady was fully dressed, and appeared to be _very_ smug about it), I proceeded into the Gryffindor common room, which was a hub of excitement and activity.

"Did you see all the _mud_?"

"The portraits were _hilarious_!"

"Are Snape and Malfoy _really _together –?"

"I hear there's gonna be _trees_ later on tonight."

I located Lily – who was, unsurprisingly, working feverishly over her homework. "You owe me – I just saved your arse from McGonagall. She thinks that Messieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are the only ones to blame."

Lily smiled, looking quite pleased with herself. "Good! I was hoping that'd be the case."

"Oh, great – thanks a _lot_, Evans." Then I leaned in closer to her, lowered my voice to a hush, and asked, "Listen, uh – you seen Remus and Sirius? McGonagall's waiting outside, and I expect she's preparing to dish out all of our detentions at once."

Lily nodded. "They went upstairs, not very long ago," Then a coy smile crept across her face. "They were in a real hurry to do _some_thing, if you know what I mean."

I groaned. "Oh, great – well, I'd better go fetch them, no matter what state of shagging they may be in."

"Good luck."

"Uh-huh."

Lily turned back to her homework, and a moment later, I was dashing up the spiral staircase that led to the boys' dormitories, my steps echoing wildly off the curved, stone walls. I unfolded the Marauders Map, and quickly located the Gryffindor Tower. Sure enough, there, in the room that was our dormitory, two dots – one labeled _Sirius Black _and the other _Remus Lupin_ – were overlapping one another. "Oh, bloody hell." The door to our room was closed but unlocked, and I hesitated, wondering if it'd be better to knock. I sighed and stood there and thought, and imagined Professor McGonagall downstairs, tapping her foot with impatience. I sighed again, ran a hand through my tousled hair, and made up my mind. I pushed the door open.

"_James_! Holy – you sodding _bugger_!"

It could have been worse. I'd walked in on _much_ more awkward situations in the past, back when Sirius seemed to fancy girls – though this was different (for obvious reasons), and this time, Remus was involved. "Er – sorry –" Both boys, with vivid blushes splashed across their faces, were in various states of undress, and Sirius was straddling Remus like his motorcycle, and –

"Prongs, what –?"

I could feel a blush creeping over my face, and I quickly averted my eyes. "I – oh, Merlin, I'm sorry, guys, it's just that Prof –"

Remus groaned. "So we're receiving our death sentences at last. Wonderful."

"Er, yes –"

"Prongs, are you having fun _staring_?" It was Sirius who had asked this, and I realized that my eyes had traveled back to the two of them, who were both stock-still and staring straight back at me. Unlike Sirius, who looked like he was close to panicking, Remus was smirking lazily, his eyes focused somewhere above my right shoulder. He didn't seem to be the least bit concerned about _any_thing, as usual.

"Uh – no, no, I'm not. I mean – I'll, uh, just – head downstairs and wait for you, and –" I broke off, turned toward the door, and added, as an afterthought, "Don't take _too _long, will you? McGonagall's waiting."

--

**POV – Remus**

"Oh, buggering Prongs," Sirius grumbled as he climbed off me. "Really knows how to make a grand entrance, doesn't he?"

I sat up and shrugged. "Oh, I don't know," I said, smiling a little. "James could have been a _real_ pervert and put that Invisibility Cloak to use."

Sirius chuckled and sat on the edge of the mattress, wrestling on a pair of trousers. "My, my – I think _some_one has their head in the gutter! Moony, that thought didn't even cross _my _mind." I ignored him, though, and busied myself with pulling on my shirt. "Your hair's all messed up," Sirius said.

"You should see _yours_."

A few minutes later, we stumbled down the spiral staircase and found James and Peter in the common room, James still blushing slightly when he saw us. "Really, guys, I'm sor—"

"Oh, good, the whole gang is here," Professor McGonagall said suddenly, interrupting James mid-sentence. She stepped forward, rounded us up, and quickly escorted us out of the common room and into the hallways. "I'm sure all of you think you're quite funny, and I will admit – I had a good chuckle more than once."

"Which was that?" James asked brightly. "_Surely _it wasn't the Giant Squid transfiguration –"

McGonagall tutted and shook her head. "No, that wasn't very amusing – a well-done transfiguration, yes, but I'm sure it was _quite _traumatic for the squid – but whoever charmed the breakfast plates and silverware into –"

"Oh, that was _totally _me!" James boomed. "Yes!"

She raised an eyebrow at him, and said, "I was _sure _that particular joke was Mr. Black's doing –" She turned her eyes Sirius' way for the first time since he and I had come down from the dormitories, and I was sure that Sirius could feel her stare raking across his body. "You have a rough afternoon, Black? Both you and Lupin are looking rather… _disheveled_."

Beside me, Sirius paled, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.

McGonagall gave us one last scrutinizing look before going on to lecture, "Anyway, as I was saying – though I'm sure all four of you had _quite _the time planning this enormous… spectacle, I can assure you that there are those of us who are _not _so pleased…"

"Filch," said Sirius.

"Snivellus," James whispered, and we all snorted with laughter.

--

The Headmaster had written down the day's pranks – in flawless detail – on a piece of parchment, and had read each offense aloud, pausing to chuckle or smile at several which he thought to be quite amusing. "Pixies and mud, I should have known…" Dumbledore had said, his eyes twinkling. "A wonderful combination, those two…"

It was an hour before we emerged from Professor Dumbledore's office. In addition to the Headmaster, all four Heads of the Houses had been there, and, to our disgust, Filch, as well. Hogwarts' disgruntled caretaker was the only one who seemed distressed (rather, _extremely _angry) about the day's events, and right away he had made it clear to Dumbledore that he wanted to shackle us all and hang us from the dungeons by our feet. (Of course, Dumbledore assured us something like that would _never _happen – at least, not _this _time.)

"Can you believe _that_?" James said with a derisive laugh. The four of us were stalking away from Dumbledore's office, through the almost-calm hallways of the school. "McGonagall gives us each _three _hours of detention _every _weeknightfor _three months_!"

"And a million points taken away from Gryffindor," I said woefully. "A feat even _Lily _couldn't have accomplished as a prefect…"

"And _Filch _takes away the Marauders Map without even knowing what the hell it is!" Peter grumbled. "Bugger."

"A true pity," Sirius sighed dramatically. "Yes, I will miss that lovely piece of parchment –"

"— as it was your best and only good idea," I drawled, a sly smirk on my lips. "It's so unfortunate that Padfoot's claim to fame will be forever locked away within Filch's infamous filing cabinets…" This comment earned me a smack to the back of my head.

"Not that we don't deserve any of it," James muttered. "And – by Merlin, it was _worth _it, no matter _how _many hours of detention we'll have to serve!"

"Not to mention we'll all be serving our time _together_," Sirius said, and his arm had sneakily found its way around my waist. "McGonagall'll get so fed up with us – she'll call off the whole thing in an _instant_."

--

Of course, the pranking continued throughout the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening – like secondary tremors after an earthquake. Not long after dinner had ended (the Great Hall was cleaned up quite nicely, and the bewitched ceiling no longer showed cartoons of Snape and Malfoy – rather, a pleasant sunset), several Slytherins, on their way to the dungeons, reported that a gigantic stand of trees – as dense as the Forbidden Forest – had sprouted out of the flagstone floors and barred their way. Madam Pince (who had wanted Sirius _executed _for what he'd done to the library) reported a few books were still missing; patches of ice remained on the Quidditch field; the doors to the classrooms were still stuck shut.

At dinner, Sirius had been very loud indeed; in fact, not only were _we_, the Marauders tumultuous, so was the rest of the Gryffindor table and the entire school. "One last toast," Sirius had proclaimed, holding a goblet of pumpkin juice aloft. "A toast to the Marauders – and Lily Evans, of course – to a day that will surely – _surely _– go down in Hogwarts history. May young people forever be inspired by it…"

This had been met by raucous cheers and applause, although several teachers at the High Table didn't look so amused.

An hour later, we were wandering back to the Gryffindor Tower, full of food and finally feeling exhausted. But we didn't take the shortcut that we normally used, and instead walked slowly, deliberately – taking our time after such an incredibly eventful day. Other students whom we passed by gave us big smiles and the thumbs-up, and wished us luck with our detentions – somehow, word had come out about that. Our group became disjointed again: James and Lily and Peter were several yards ahead of Sirius and I, talking about who knows what, and I sighed tiredly. It had been an amazing day – come to think of it, it'd been an amazing _week_. I shot a sidelong glance to Sirius and discovered he was looking right back at me, a grin on his face.

"You have fun, Remus?"

I nodded. "More fun than I ever could have thought possible – forever soiling the traditional role of the Hogwarts Prefect…"

Sirius shrugged and laughed. "It had to be done _some_time, you know."

"Yes, I know…" I sighed. "The only thing I would have changed – of course – is Prongs', ah – _interruption_."

"Don't worry, my sex-starved Moony – we'll have our chances again," Sirius said in his most theatrical tone. "And now that I think about it – you know what? That _was_ horrible. What if he'd come in a few minutes later? I've never been so scared in my _life_."

I shot him an incredulous look. "Uh-huh. I'd say you were freaking out pretty nicely _earlier _this week, Sirius."

He waved his hand as if to dismiss the thought. "Oh, come on – you know _that _doesn't count. Anything that happened before a few days ago is rubbish that ought to be forgotten."

I snorted with laughter. "That's _incredibly_ stupid. Sirius, sometimes you can be such an insufferable –" I never got to finish my statement, though, because Sirius had put his mouth over mine and at that moment, I really didn't care anymore about the stupid things he could say.

--

When the five of us finally stumbled into the common room, we were met with a standing ovation. It seemed no one cared that, for the first time in Hogwarts' storied history, the Gryffindor House had _negative _points. James took a deep bow, as did Peter; Lily blushed nervously, and Sirius and I kissed again. That evening, we told the rest of the Gryffindors – and each other – about all the different pranks we'd set that day. James and Peter gleefully described how they'd made the ceiling in the Great Hall portray Snape and Malfoy, and how they'd stuck all the classroom doors shut, and how they'd made the Slytherin brooms go haywire and put gnomes in the dungeons ("What gnomes?" someone had asked, and to this, James had just smirked secretively). Lily finally gave in and told us about how she'd made the Quidditch pitch turn into an ice hockey rink, and how she'd made the floor of the Great Hall become a field of mud, and how she'd sent the Howlers and transfigured the Giant Squid into a sasquatch. This was met with much amazement from the rest of the Gryffindors – astonishment that the _Head Girl _would engage in such juvenile behavior (of course, they appreciated it very much).

Then, Sirius and I took turns telling everyone about _our _pranks. I let Sirius do most of the talking, and I leaned back in the couch, watching the boy next to me speak so animatedly. " – the pixies were ours, of course, but how could we have known that Lily was planning to muddy up the Great Hall? And that just made the whole thing better, as you all know – of course, I do apologize about things getting rather dirty, but I see you're all cleaned up quite well, and no one's complaining. Oh, and the _portraits_ – how could I forget _them_ –?"

"And Snape," I murmured, my head resting on Sirius' shoulder. "Did anyone see him at dinner tonight?"

"Yeah," said a girl in her third year. "I saw him. There was this strange puff of cloud – or something – floating above his head…" And at that, the entire room had broke into deafening laughter – Snape had succeeded in ridding himself of both of James' hexes, but hadn't quite solved Sirius' yet.

Several hours later, we retreated to the dormitories, and it looked like everyone – including, most importantly, Sirius – would be sleeping well for the first time all week. There were yawns as James and Peter collapsed into their beds, but I sat down beside Sirius on the edge of his mattress, watching him carefully. "Quite the week for you, eh?" I asked softly.

Sirius nodded. "Quite the week." He flashed me a roguish grin and added, "Best week of my life. And, at times – the worst week of my life, too."

"I can imagine so."

"I'm sorry I've been lying to myself – and you – for so long," Sirius whispered, a thoughtful and regretful gleam in his eyes.

"It's not like _I _went out of my way to tell anyone, either," I said.

"Yeah, well, you've got _enough _on your plate, already – you know, being a _werewolf_ and all," Sirius said with a laugh.

I dismissed the thought. "Doesn't make any difference – I was hiding it like you, all the same."

He smirked. "Yeah, but at least you weren't _fervently _denying facts to yourself like _I _was."

"Are you suggesting we have a contest deciding who the worst closet case is, Sirius?"

He laughed again. "No, no – I just want you to know I'm deserving of _far _more guilt than you are, Moony."

"Oh, well – if you insist…" I smirked, gave him a kiss, and pulled myself to my feet. "We need to get to sleep – classes tomorrow morning, you know. And detention in the evening."

"Think people'd notice if everyone's tea turned into Firewhiskey tomorrow at breakfast?" Sirius asked as he pulled his sheets over him.

I rolled my eyes and tried not to laugh. "They just might. Good-night, Sirius."

" 'Night, Moony. Love you."

"You, too," I said with a tired smile. As I climbed into my bed and let my head sink into my pillow, I thought about the events of the day and the week and couldn't help but chuckle. _Incredible, really_. Several minutes of warm silence passed, and through the latticed window, I could see the silvery first quarter of the moon peek up over the dark horizon. I was close to falling asleep, when faraway, somewhere in the castle, I could hear someone shrieking about garden gnomes, and it sounded suspiciously like Severus Snape. _What a day, indeed._

**The End!**

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed reading this story just as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'm sad that it's done, but, you know -- time to move on with new fics, college, and other things. Thanks to those of you who stayed on for the entire ride, and my marvelous reviewers. That said, if you enjoyed the story, drop me a comment, and I'll be happy! Thanks again, guys.

-mo


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